Sunday, May 12, 2013

Restore Joy

A few weeks ago, I went with my friend Kelli to a church she attends on Friday nights. It wasn't my usual thing for worship, but it was nice to be able to go somewhere and worship and just... be. No responsibilities, no duties, just be.

One of the songs the praise band sang quoted Psalm 51. They left out some of the verses so I pulled out my Bible and read the whole Psalm for myself.

As I read, one verse stuck out to me.

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." Psalm 51:12

It got me thinking about worshiping and how much I used to love it.

Not that I don't love it anymore, I do. But it's... different.

Different than how it used to be.

For the last five years, Sundays have been work days for me. Yes, I be sure to have at least one service that I attend the whole hour and focus. It's not the same as it once was though. I have Sunday school lessons on my mind, I'm searching the congregation and making mental notes of who I need to talk to that morning, thinking of what needs to happen for youth group later that day... sometimes worshiping gets lost in the shuffle.

I remember I used to take such joy in worship. While getting up early on Sunday morning was always hard after a late night on Saturday, once I was there I usually was glad to be. There were times when I lived for our Sunday night prayer and praise at Concordia. Helping at my field work church I loved singing with the teenagers at youth group. At home I was always excited to play my clairnet or sing a song.

Now, it's part of the job. It's part of work.

The simple joy I once had for worship has faded away.

There are other joys God has given me, so please don't take this as me complaining about my job or having a faith crisis.

But I miss that joy. Having "the joy of your salvation" and being able to bask in it. The willing spirit to help and praise in any way I could.

I think it's there in me somewhere, but it's taken on a different form.

There are times though, I miss the way it once was.

Today's blog prompt was "What Do You Miss?"

Luckily, I scheduled this post ahead of time and I'm actually in Chicago for a wedding. Being able to worship with my mom on Mother's Day today is an added bonus.

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