Christmas Cards

To the right of my desk, I have a cork board. Through the year I pin up different memories I've had. Movie ticket stubs, favorite photos, programs from the theatre, etc. In December I clear it off, place all of the items in a box labeled for that year, and then begin placing new items up on the board. I put all of the Christmas cards I've received on first, so I have them up all year around.

Since 2017 is brand new, the only things, other than a couple wedding save the date cards, I see are Christmas cards. Having them sent to me through the month always makes me smile, and reminds me that I have more friends than I realize sometimes. I love see their life updates and happy faces looking out at me as I work on my computer on whatever project I have going at the moment.

Then comes the guilt.

Every year I intend to send out Christmas cards. I can find a favorite picture from the year, mail it out to my friends, and give them a quick update on my life.

But what would I say? What picture would I send?

"Merry Christmas! My dog Bandit is one year older this year. Isn't he adorable?"

Which... he is adorable and I'm sure people would love to see pictures of him.

Or maybe I could say "Look at how many books I've read this year! Isn't it so impressive?"

Which... yes, my 124 books I've read this year is impressive. But really?

When I see photos of exciting vacations, new babies, weddings, and job offers... these updates seem a little less than impressive.

It's a classic case of comparing myself to others, and the more I think about it, the more I delay gathering cards and addresses and sending them out. Then more Christmas cards arrive in the mail and the whole cycle begins again.

For the last 12 months, we've all been lamenting at how awful 2016 has been. Politics, deaths, terrorism, 2016 has been a doosey. It's sucked.

The thing is though, is that I've sucked too.

This isn't a statement of low self esteem or anything like that. I'm awesome and I have the potential to be awesome.

BUT I WAS NOT AWESOME THIS YEAR.

My 2016 started with my breaking my knee. Which, compared to some of my other injuries, it really wasn't that bad. I was in a lot of pain the first night, but by the next day it was tolerable and I didn't fill my pain killer prescription. I didn't have to stay overnight at the hospital, and I didn't have to have surgery. Yes, being out of work and not bending my knee for two months wasn't fun, but all things considered things could have been a lot worse.

For those two months I read. And read. And read. And read. Makes sense, since I didn't have anything else to do and couldn't walk.

Then my knee was healed and I went back to work. But I didn't return to the real world.

Instead, I just kept reading. I avoided hanging out with friends, and dove further and further into myself and my fictional worlds.

Part of this was also working on my novel - which I'm proud of. I wrote and wrote and wrote. Then, I learned that there is such a thing as writing too much. Apparently, for debut authors, literary agents won't even look at manuscripts which are over 700 pages long.

Go figure.

And that was my 2016 in a nutshell.

Not to say that these are bad things, and I did have some wonderful moments. I saw Hamilton in Chicago. I met many of my other Internet book nerd friends at BookCon and YallFest. I also met some of my favorite authors. (Becky Albertalli who wrote Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda now follows me on twitter, which is kind of awesome.) I went to weddings and was able to celebrate with my friends and family with their big moments.

Then the Christmas cards come. And I notice that my body is acting weird and randomly losing weight for no apparent reason. And I see people I haven't spoken to in years. And friends from college die. And the holidays have this weird way of forcing you to reflect on the past year and your life and everything that's wrong with it.

For me personally, I sucked.

I did not reach my full potential for awesome. And there's a lot of potential there. I want to get that awesome back.

I'm not going to stop reading and writing - obviously. That would be tragic if I did.

But I also need to make room in my life for all of the other awesome things and people around me too. I want to actually accept invitations from people when they want to hang out. I want to pay attention to my body and what it's telling me and be sure I take care of it. I want to actually talk to my friends instead of only reading about their lives through a Facebook status or the once a year card or letter I get from them in the mail.

And maybe, just maybe, next year I'll actually send out those Christmas cards to show you all how much I love you too.

Happy 2017.

On Being Brave

I truly admire brave people. Those who are willing to step up and take a stand and risk it all. The people who can lay it all out there and be honest with everyone about their struggles The people who face discrimination every day and still walk out the door with their head held high. I admire those people. I wish I could be one of those people.

More often than not, when I do try to be one of those people, I end up blurting out something inappropriate or out of ignorance and it blows up in my face because I didn't think before I spoke. Therefore, causing more damage than doing good.

We're privileged to live in a time where we can witness some truly brave people. Among all of the battling, arguing, rioting, and fear, we can still see people standing out and reminding us there is hope. Taking down flags, getting married, embracing their true selves, or becoming the first African American woman to be a principal in a ballet company.

It's an exciting time to see the progress being made.

Friday morning I turned on my iPad to find rainbows flying across my screen with the news of the marriage equality ruling in the USA. People celebrating and turning their Facebook pictures into rainbows. For the first several hours, at least on my end of the Internet world, everyone was happy. Then of course, later, some of the backlash came.

I quietly retweeted one thing, and made a small statement on Facebook. Trying not to get noticed too much but also toeing the line of where I stood. Which, that in it of itself is annoying that we have to pick a side. No matter which side you pick, someone is going to think you're the bad guy. But that's another rant for another time. I liked a few comments and posts, but tried to stay relatively silent. The last time I had publicly stated something, there had been consequences and from then on I tried to be much more subtle about my opinions.

Later, a friend messaged me. We were in the same program in college and she figured out long before I did, that working in a church wasn't for her. We've talked in the past about how our views differ from most of those in the church and on Friday she thanked me for being so supportive of her opinions when she put them online. In turn, I told her I thought she was the brave one because she outright said her thoughts, while I just "liked" the comments.

The next day, one of my former college roommates changed her Facebook photo to be a rainbow. I'm not going to lie - I was surprised. She had always been more on the conservative and traditional side of things when we were in school. (I always respected her thoughts because I knew she had thought and prayed about them for a long time instead of just saying "That's how it's always been and I don't like change!") Then, as I thought about it and some of our conversations since graduating, it didn't surprise me all that much.

It got me to thinking. "If she can say something... maybe I can too." With that, I changed my Facebook picture too and braced myself for the backlash.

She and I talked after and we talked about our trains of thought on the matter and since we both are former workers for our Synod, some of the fears we had. Or, in reality, the fears I had. While I don't formally work in a church anymore, being vocal about opinions different than those in the church can be a scary thing.

She reminded me how the fears we have must only be a fraction of those who actually have been fighting for marriage equality, or haven't come out yet, or deal with the discrimination every day. She also encouraged me to be brave because "I bet there's more of us waiting in the wings!"

To be honest, I'm sure hardly anyone batted an eye at my Facebook profile. In fact, those who know me probably already knew my thoughts, or could at least guess.

All through high school and college I worked so hard at having the perfect Christian girl image where I read my Bible every day and upheld good values and sang my heart out in worship and had the perfect prayer for everything. Since then I've been letting go of that image and letting myself be me. Part of me wonders if I was the only one I was fooling.

But I figure, the least I can do is show my support for those who need it. Because, it's not about me. It's about showing them "Yes, I support you. I'm here for you while you fight the battle." Maybe, in a small way, I'm fighting it with them.

I'm still not the bravest person out there, and I probably never will be. In fact, in recent days I've admired a friend of mine who has been posting blogs putting it all out there about her emotions and past and I haven't even had the guts to tell her how much I admire it, and how I wish I was a better friend to her.

Through all of this, I've been thinking about a song from Hairspray. It was for the movie version and they sing it in the credits. "We've come so far but we've got so far to go..." While the musical mainly focuses on racism, the themes still apply to other rights as well.

We've all made so much progress in our country and in our world. (Did you know in Mozambique this week it is now legal to be gay? The USA isn't the only one making progress!) We should celebrate it and embrace it! If we don't, we'll get lost in hopelessness. But there's still a lot more to do. Let's all be brave, even if it is in our own quiet way. Then little by little, we'll keep making progress.

Remember Who the Enemy Is

We cross the room, but in the doorway, Haymitch's voice stops us. "Katniss, when you're in the arena," he begins. Then he pauses. He's scowling in a way that makes me sure I've already disappointed him.

"What?" I ask defensively. 

"You just remember who the enemy is," Haymitch tells me. "That's all. Now go on. Get out of here."

- Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins 

Chapter 18

I've been recalling this scene a lot lately. It's a moment through the rest of the book Katniss has to keep reminding herself of and she doesn't completely understand it while she's in the arena for the second time. I think it's advice we all need to remember from time to time.

Our society has been in an uproar over so many things lately. Racism, sex scandals, terrorism, religion... need I go on? We've been trying to process all of these events happening, figuring out why, getting defensive, and we point fingers at why and who's fault it is. The witch from Into the Woods voice rings in my head "Of course what matters is to blame. Somebody to blame. If that's what you enjoy placing the blame if that's the aim give me the blame."

I know I've done it. In the heat of the moment you get angry and type things or say things because you're trying to sort through it all and then end up saying things you might not mean. Attacking somsone out of our pain and our anger thinking "if only they get justice!" or "we need to get rid of this person or this thing" and it will make it all okay again.

We forget who the enemy is.

Not long ago on Tumblr I saw a post comparing riots to The Hunger Games and how we should support those causing the riots. Which, maybe we should, or maybe we shouldn't. I don't know. But, a lot of people forget how in the Hunger Games books, Katniss still had compassion for the citizens of the Capitol. Because they weren't the enemy. 

Those who shoot others, who riot, who destroy, who uprise, who hurt, who abuse, are just people. Not that there shouldn't be justice or anything like that - of course there should be. But it's easy to dehumanize them isn't it? They're still people.

Hank Green made a video a few weeks ago about his favorite feelings. He mentioned how one of them wasn't seeing other people fail, even if they deserve it or you don't like them. You think it'll make you feel good, but it doesn't. It's just sad. (You really should watch the video, he says it way better than I do. Click here.) Because they're people.

They aren't the enemy. 

Who is the enemy? Who do we blame then? 

Racicm. Ignorence. Hate. Being narrow minded. Corruption. 

And dare I say it? Satan.

I'm not one to talk about Satan and such a whole lot. Bob Goff explains it best in his book Love Does. "When I think about satan, my thoughts go to how Jesus interacted with him in the desert. Jesus spoke with him for just a few seconds and then sent him away. Satan was a manipulator who wanted to control God, but Jesus had a relationship with God that satan didn't understand, and Jesus had no problem telling him off and getting rid of him. I think we should do the same. That's all I have to say about satan. He gets too much airtime already." 

But ultimately, he's the enemy. 

I'm not saying we can't get angry and justice shouldn't be served when people do terrible things. We people can do awful things.

But we're all still people. 

A Love Letter to Glee

Dear Glee,

I know it has been nearly a week since your final episode aired. If I had been a better blogger I would have planned ahead and posted this a week ago before the final episode. Or at least had it ready for Monday morning. But alas - I am not a good blogger. Just ask my readers. But please don't take this as any lack of affection.

I remember the first time I heard your cover of "Don't Stop Believin'." It was in the middle of the summer and I had taken the youth of small town Missouri on our yearly excursion to 6 Flags. It was the end of the day and we were waiting for a few of the teenagers to get off of a roller coaster so we could head home when I heard the "Da da da da da da da da Just a small town girl..." over the speakers. I thought "Is this some kind of new High School Musical thing? But that doesn't sound like Vanessa Hudgens. Huh." This wasn't an insult by any means. I love me some HSM.  Little did I know...

Don't judge readers, you know you love HSM  too. We're all in this together!

Flash forward a few months. I was talking with my friend Laura one day and she asked "Have you watched that new show Glee?" I told her I had heard about it and had been intending to give it a try, but just hadn't yet. She told me I had to watch it because this show was basically me as a TV show.

Poor Laura. She had no idea what was created because of that conversation.

What can I say about Glee now that it's over? I'm sitting here on a Thursday morning and I'm thinking to myself "Glee isn't on tomorrow night, what am I supposed to do now?" Those of us die-hard fans (Gleeks) have gone through a lot over the last six seasons. Ridiculous covers of songs, inconsistent writing at times, actors dying (CORY!!!! WAAAAAHHHH!), characters changing sexuality every time you turn around... yeah, you can say we've been through a lot. Let's be honest, not many of us have hung in there and lasted this long. But we are a fandom of endurance, let me tell you. But I love it.

Here are a few of the reasons I love you, Glee, so much (if you haven't seen the final episode

/season, consider this your spoiler warning):

- I was able to watch covers of songs from musicals - and it was "cool!" Glee let musical theatre take the spotlight and show people that yes, Broadway is pretty freaking amazing and you should love it too. 

- Actual Broadway performers were allowed to take the spotlight and make a name for themselves. Lea Michele, Matthew Morrison, Idina Menzel, Kristin Chenoweth, Johnathan Groff, etc. While some people may have heard of Idina and Kristin, but some of the others? Unless you're a Broadway nerd like me, they didn't get much attention. Now, because of Glee, they could take the spotlight and grace the world with their voices.

- I loved seeing their take on popular songs each week. I avoided watching/listening to the new songs before the episodes aired at all costs because part of the fun for me was being surprised at which song they would pull out of their pockets to somehow twist into the plot (sometimes it was perfect other times... not so much). I can genuinely say there are some versions of songs where I truly love the Glee version better than the original. 

I'm looking at you "Teenage Dream." Let's be honest - when Kurt walked into Dalton Academy and saw the Warblers and met Blaine for the first time, that cover blew us all away. THEN when they reprised it in season 4 with an emotional acoustic version? Beautiful.

Which brings me to my next point...

- Oh, hi there Darren Criss. 

For the record, I was a Darren Criss fan long before he was on Glee. I watched A Very Potter Musical and I remember being all "That guy playing Harry Potter is really cute. Wait... he plays guitar? Wait... he wrote the show? Wait... he covers Disney songs too???? WHO IS THIS AMAZING PERSON THAT I MUST MARRY SOMEDAY?"

Needless to say, when I saw he was going to be on Glee, I was pretty excited. Now, he gets to be on Broadway and basically do whatever he wants.

- But look at all of the other young actors/singers who got to have a chance! I loved being able to see new talent and letting them start their own careers. It'll be interesting to see where the rest of the cast ends up.

- I loved the humor of Glee. I loved how ridiculous it was and how they always made fun of themselves and the actors and plot lines and how it was just plain silly at times. I can genuinely say I literally LOL'd every episode.

- Sue Sylvester. Need I say more?

- Rachel Berry. I know not everyone liked her - and I get it. She was obnoxious and annoying and awful. But I loved her. I loved how much she wanted to be on Broadway and how she endured all of the bullying at school. I loved her drive. It was who I wished I was brave enough to be... just maybe a bit nicer. Especially towards the beginning. What I noticed though was how much I cared about her ending. 

In the last episode she sang a song written by Darren Criss (he actually wrote it FOR her and had always wanted to write a song specifically for Lea Michelle) called "This Time." It was beautiful. I remember thinking about Rachel and my thoughts about her character. I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to succeed on Broadway. I wanted her to learn and grow as a person. Then I realized - which guy she ended up with was the last thing on my mind. I cared to an extent, but not really. 

I was Rachel and Finn all the way, don't get me wrong. But in a weird way, Rachel without Finn was almost a good thing. It's rare when the main female character in a major TV show can walk away at the end and her love life isn't necessarily at the forefront of your mind. 

For the record, the more I think about Rachel and Jesse St. James ending up together the more I like it. I had always wondered what it would be like if they actually gave them a chance. I could write a whole blog post for that. But I'll spare you. That's what Tumblr is for.

- And finally, since this blog post is long enough and people who don't care about Glee quit reading long ago, your message of love and acceptance. Yes, at times it was cheesy. Sometimes you were off point. There were topics and issues you could have handled better. But it all came from a place of innocence and wanting people to accept each other for who they are. So many fans were inspired by the diverse cast and the many messages this show gave. 

I think Sue Sylvester said it best in the last episode. She was talking to Kurt and Blaine, and she said how she may not have always agreed with them, or how they went about things. BUT, it got conversation going and she didn't even know she had an opinion about certain things until she met Kurt and Blaine.

That's what's important I feel like. You don't have to agree with everything. You don't have to like how people go about things. But it got you to think, didn't it? It got conversation going. Conversations we need to have.

So, thank you Glee. Thank you for the music, characters, crazy plots, and helping us all to get the conversation going and learn to love and accept one another.

Love,

Emily

Damaged Goods- Book Review

It's time for another book review. What do you say? 

Some thoughts before we get into this book:  Sex education, modesty, abstinence, and how faith plays a role, are some pretty hot topics in the Church right now. They always are, but I'm noticing in recent years more and more the "traditional" practices on teaching these subjects has been challenged. How we as a culture are viewing these topics are changing and we can see this in the Church. 

To be completely honest - I agree we (the Church) need to change how we discuss and handle the topics of sex, dating, modesty, marriage, etc. As a product of the "True Love Waits" generation, I remember all of the talks we had in youth group and how it was handled. In keeping with being honest, this was also one of the big struggles I had in ministry. I knew parents wanted me to tackle these subjects with the youth. I was completely comfortable talking about it with the youth and we would talk about relationships and such when it came up in conversations with smaller groups and one on one. However, I never had big sessions for having sex talks and such because I knew my opinions would not have been well accepted. It was one of those "what hill am I going to die on" issues. Should I have died on that hill? Maybe I should have. But I didn't because I felt as though I had other leaders I could talk about my opinions with to find the best way to handle it. 

All of this being said, I was excited to hear this book was being released and when I heard about it I immediately went over to NetGalley to request a copy to review. I also realize these are highly sensitive and personal topics. Therefore, it's hard to keep an objective view. As I read, I found it difficult to remain objective about the author's opinions.

I'm hoping my review can remain as such.

I also encourage other people to read this book. Whether you agree with Dianna Anderson or not (I don't always agree as you will see in my review) it's still something I think we should be aware of. 1) It's good for us to read the opinions of people we don't see eye to eye with. Expand your horizons! 2) At least she's starting the conversation and not playing it safe. We need to have these conversations!

While most of the "purity movement" has stemmed from Evangelical circles, it does seep into other denominations and they can feel it's influence. Also, not every congregation who addresses purity does so to the extremes some others do. There's always varying degrees. But we all still need to be having these talks and figuring out just how faith and the Church plays into these conversations.

If you are a teenager reading this book; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do so with an adult you trust. Preferably someone who shares the same faith. I know talking about these things can be hard and embarrassing, but trust me on this one, life is so much better when you have someone you can talk to about such things and help you to figure them out. I'm not saying they should have all of the answers - but they've been there before and will have insight you don't have. 

Damaged Goods: New Perspectives on Christian Purity

Author: Dianna E. Anderson

Publisher: Jericho Books

Release Date: February 10, 2015

Basic Summary:

Dianna grew up in the "true love waits" generation. She heard all of the talks. Read all of the books. She could quote all of the Bible verses. Then, something in her changed and so did her views on sex, relationships, modesty, and purity. For years, she felt ashamed of her body and sexuality and bought into what, she considers, lies about God's plan for purity. This book shares her stories, opinions, and the thoughts of others as she dives into these issues.

My Thoughts:

I've never reviewed a non-fiction book on this blog before, so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it. But I'll try. I'll divide my review into what I appreciated about the book, and then my criticisms.

What I Liked/Appreciated

- Dianna's love for the Church and for God's Word is very apparent. She's not a person who has walked away from the Church and now denies everything it has done for her. 

- She encourages the reader to not just "take her word for it." She emphasizes that people need to read the Bible for themselves and do their own research instead of just doing  and believing whatever someone else tells them to.

- She does not insult the choice to stay abstinent until marriage. She affirms this is a valid choice - as along as you know why you are making said choice and it doesn't come from a place of shame or simply because "that's what I was told to do."

- Sex and relationships need to be respectful and consensual. PERIOD. We are a community of people and all children of God. Our relationships and sex lives need to reflect this.

- Pointing out the Bible isn't as black and white about sex as we like to think it is.

- Challenging gender roles and what we think it means to be men and women of faith. (In chapter six she says, "We are not defined by gender, but rather by the grace and love which we live.")

- Our bodies are not owned by other people. They are OUR bodies.

- Have a plan for the worst case scenario.

- Respect other people no matter what they wear.

- She starts and ends with grace.

What I Did not Like/Agree With

- While there were moments I wanted to stand and applaud what she was saying, there were other moments when I wondered "Are we reading the same Bible?" While, yes, we need to understand the context of the Bible verses we read and get to the heart of what it's saying, we also can't twist it to say whatever we want it to say to prove our point and forget about other passages as well. Most people do this, which is wrong, but we need to stray away from this.

- At one point when Anderson was discussing modesty, she addresses women who are having a hard time breaking away from this mindset. One of her suggestions was for the woman to try a neckline which scared her. Um.... no. If someone isn't comfortable wearing the low cut shirt, they aren't comfortable wearing the low cut shirt! Don't tell them they should try it anyway!

- Many times I felt as though Anderson had a personal vendetta against the purity movement. Which is understandable. However, many times it didn't seem professional and it was just her wanting to argue against Joshua Harris (author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye) and other authors. As understandable as this may be, it's not the best way to bring your point across. This was the biggest turn off for me. 

- As the book went on, it all got to be too much. Sometimes I felt as though I was back in the youth room where my youth leaders (as good as their intentions were) shoving purity and modesty down my throat - only this time it was the opposite opinion.

- There were times when she addressed sexuality for other races and people with disabilities. For a majority of her book she had excellent research (even if most of it was pointing out points she didn't like from the same few authors, with other research being from interviews and surveys she conducted). Then, when she addresses the issues of race (particularly black women), I hardly saw any. While, I felt her observations were accurate, I would have liked to see some opinion of women of that particular race and hearing what they really had to say. I was grateful she had only two paragraphs for women with disabilities. Albeit, they were a good two paragraphs, but I would not have appreciated the author, a woman who does not have a disability, putting words into my (a woman with a disability) mouth.

Overall:

I appreciate what Anderson was trying to do. I'm glad she is opening up conversation and encourages people to challenge "traditional" ways of thinking when it comes to faith, sex, marriage, and modesty. There were some points 100% agreed with. Other times... I really wasn't sure where she was getting her information. I think it would be interesting to see the opinions and thoughts of people who have a history of theology in different denominations, as well as maybe some "experts" of the field. I also liked how she addressed there are different issues depending on your race and if you have a disability or not. But then was very disappointed when she didn't have interviews and opinions from women of said race. She also seemed to be someone with a vendetta, and while it was understandable, I felt it wasn't the best way to prove her point. 

I gave the book 3 out of 5 stars on Goodreads.

Speak Up! | Heart

It's the first Friday of the month! Which means it's time to link up with Amber and Annie for Speak Up, their monthly vlog link-up. This month's topic is "heart."

I had no idea what I was going to talk about, then it all kinda just spilled out of my mouth. This video started as 23 minutes long - so there was A TON of stuff cut out to make it only 10 minutes. Haha. I'm working on trying to keep them short though!

In my video I talk about Hozier's song "Take Me to Church," say "ass" while discussing theology, and share my coffee/tea dilemma.

What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear them in the comments. Or, even better, make your own video and link up!

I'm also linking up with the Faith and Fellowship Blog Hop!

Battles Worth Fighting

Working at the pre-school, there's a question the teacher and I ask fairly often.

"Is this the hill you're going to die on?"

When you are in a classroom filled with kids ages 2-5 all with their own unique needs and skills and abilities, several parents who each have their own opinions and parenting styles, and a school board who also have their thoughts about how things should go, there are a lot of uphill battles. If we (or especially the teacher herself) were to fight every single battle she would have quit years ago. There is no way she can fight every single battle. 

It's a lesson I learned in ministry too. Working in a fairly large church with over 80 families in the congregation with youth between the grades 6 and 12, there's a lot of directions you can take. There were things sometimes I wanted changed but when I took a step back and looked at the bigger picture, I would have to say to myself "Don't fight that battle Emily. There are bigger ones you might need to fight later." 

I look around at the Church, and the world, and I can't help but think sometimes: "This is the hill you're going to die on? Really?"

You know those hills. The ones where we debate if yoga pants are "appropriate" for girls and women to wear.  Or having a personal vendetta against Disney movies and raving about it on Facebook. Or any other number of things. 

Is this the hill you're going to die on?

It's so easy to get caught up in though. I can't help but think about how often I get caught up in something that is truly pointless. I'm not just talking about wasting a weekend watching Supernatural on Netflix. (I don't see that as a waste of my weekend, thank you very much.) I'm talking about stupid arguments I know I shouldn't step up to and waste my breath on. The little nit-picky things I decide to focus on that don't really matter. Those things.

We can do better than this.  There are other things we can be spending our time and energy on.

Yes, this is the mountain in New Zealand they used as Mt. Doom in Lord of the
Rings. I thought it would be appropriate.

Is helping people understand lust and sexuality something you're really passionate about? That's great! We need to have those conversations. But telling girls they can't wear yoga pants or leggings isn't the way to go about it. Do you know what is?

Telling our kids and teenagers to respect people no matter their gender, how they are dressed, the color of their skin, what country they come from, what school they go to, or what neighborhood they live in, etc. (Here's what Jesus has to say about lust, actually.) In fact - teaching them these things will help with A WHOLE LOT of other problems too.

Another way to handle it? Give them a safe environment where they can talk and ask questions about sexuality without fear of judgement.  

Don't like Disney movies? Well... don't watch them, don't put down people who do, and make your own art the way you want to.

There are so many other things in the world which deserve our focus. Honestly, when it comes to the Church, I feel like what girls are wearing should be the last thing on our list of things to focus on. When I think of everything the Church should be standing for, telling people what they should and should not wear isn't one of them. 

What is the church really about? Love, grace, forgiveness, healing the broken, helping the poor, widowed, and orphaned, standing for justice.... the list goes on an on.

I'm not saying we need to stand at every single protest in the world. (Although if that's how you chose to stand up for those things - that's awesome!) But I am saying there are hills worth dying on and those are the ones we should focus on. It doesn't even have to be dying on a hill for crying out loud!

Yesterday, a friend of mine posted a video of her telling a story about her husband. It was snowing and a winter storm was coming, and while she and her husband were out they saw the girl in the car next to them was having a hard time getting the snow and ice off of her car. So, he got out of the car and helped her out. 

Or, sending a free Valentine to a kid in the hospital.  Because being sick or hurting in the hospital, no matter what time of year it is, really stinks. Especially when you're a kid and you just want to go build a snowman or go sledding.

Or splurging an extra couple bucks at Starbucks one day to get a tea for your co-worker who isn't feeling well but has to be at work anyway. 

Let's stop picking hills which aren't worth dying on. 

12 Lessons I've Learned From Disney

So.... over the weekend a friend of mine posted some not so nice things about Disney. Their feelings about Disney are not a shock to me. They've posted and ranted and raved about Disney many times in the past. Usually, I try to ignore these posts. This time though... it just hit me the wrong way and I cannot stay silent any longer.

I won't quote their entire post in here. Basically, they said they hate Disney, they are evil, brainwash children, the films aren't good, they have no integrity, blah blah blah. 

It's not a secret I love Disney. I completely adore Disney and sing the songs on a regular basis and I'm pretty sure I'm going to go watch Frozen later today or at some point this week because there's snow everywhere and just... I have to.

I won't deny Disney has it's flaws. There's lack of diversity (which they are slllllooooowwwwwlllly working on and there's more diversity than people realize), the whole "let's marry a man we just met!" thing, characters who don't look realistic, etc. 

I mean... I can't tell you how many times I tried to do this in the swimming pool in the summer and my hair never did the cool flippy thing like Ariel's.

CLEARLY DISNEY YOU GAVE ME UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ABOUT HAIR AND NOW I AM SCARED FOR LIFE AND BRAINWASHED HAVE A BAD IMAGE OF MY BODY BECAUSE OF THIS OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

...

...

Really? It's a cartoon. Life will never be like cartoons and photo-shopped super models and actresses and musicians and other forms of media are more than likely have more of an impact on our negative than you know... A CARTOON. Can we all just agree on this? Okay, cool. Moving on.

Therefore, in defense of my beloved Disney, I'm going to share with you the top 12 lessons (in no particular order) their movies have taught me. Also - an excuse to use a million Disney GIFs is always good in my book.

1) If you meet a man whom everyone swoons over, but he thinks girls shouldn't read or think, you should run far far away as fast as you possibly can.

2) Disney learns from their mistakes and are adjusting their stories to fit our culture more and to promote positive life choices. Such as not marrying a man you just met.

3) Not everyone is perfect. We make bad choices and have issues and have troubles we need to get through. But we can still have love and fight through them.

 4) Friendship is beautiful.

5) We need to look past our differences and learn to make peace. Even when everyone seems to be against us.

6) Sometimes, the relationships which are the most destructive are the ones which are the hardest to break from - but you DO have strength and you CAN stand up for yourself.

7) Love sometimes means sacrificing yourself.

8) #likeagirl

9) It's when we are truly ourselves we can love others and be loved back.

10) The past hurts, but we can't let it define us. Instead, learn from our mistakes and do something about it.

11) Never stop dreaming - but that doesn't mean we just sit around and wait for it to happen.

12) There is no perfect family. Some families are big, some small, some have both parents, some one, some none, some several, but they're still beautiful.

Also, I love this set of images I found on Pinterest. 

 

 And if you don't like Disney and think less of me because I love them... your loss.

I am a princess. Long may I reign.

What have you learned from Disney? Who is your favorite character? Favorite movie? Quote? Share your Disney love!

#AllLivesMatter

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has noticed certain hashtags floating around the Internet. At least here in America.

#blacklivesmatter

#policelivesmatter

#translivesmatter

It probably doesn't take a genius to figure out what these are all about. Two of them relate to each other, the last one stands alone... but both issues have been all over the news. Racism, the injustice in our police system, bullying, parents not supporting their children, suicide... I can barely watch TV anymore because it's everywhere and it's heartbreaking.

What truly blows my mind though is that we have to point out that certain people's lives matter.

What?

Really?

We have to point out that lives matter?

Call me naive, but this seriously boggles my mind. We have to remind people that other people's lives matter.

Do you want to know what I wish we would see trending?

#AllLivesMatter

Black. White. Police. Transgender. Gay. Straight. Asian. Polynesian. Hispanic.

The list goes on and on and I can't list them all. But I don't want to list them all. Do you know why?

BECAUSE THEY ALL MATTER.

Whether you agree with their lifestyle, religion, life choices, whatever - THEY ALL MATTER.

The reason we shouldn't hurt, bully, or kill other people is simple. It's because they're people too and it breaks my heart that we need to point out specific groups of people saying whose lives matter and then other groups put out their own and then it almost becomes a competition of whose death is more tragic and makes a bigger difference.

Guys... all death is tragic. It's the biggest tragedy of our world. Because even if someone "deserves" it (whatever that means), it's tragic because they didn't get to live longer so they could make a change in their lives and choices.

Also because they're people too.

We need to make changes in our society and political and economic and police system. I understand this. People are outraged and exhausted of how it's been and are taking a stand. I understand this and support it.

But while all of this is happening, we need to remember the other side are people too. On both sides there are guilty and innocent people and situations. I think about stories like Game of Thrones and one of the reasons why I love the series so much. It's because George RR Martin shows that people aren't one dimensional and everyone has their own side to the story. Characters you LOVE and you think are the "good guys" make big mistakes. Characters you HATE suddenly have a plot line or a moment where you actually like them and feel bad for them. The villain always thinks they are the hero of their own story, right?

It reminds me of the musical Into the Woods. (So appropriate since the movie is out and everyone is seeing!) There's this song "No One Is Alone" and it's so perfect. It's in the part of the story where everything has gone wrong and it looks like there's no hope and the characters have to make some choices where they aren't sure if there is a right or wrong way to go.

People make mistakes. Fathers, Mothers,

People make mistakes, holding to their own,

Thinking they're alone.

Honor their mistakes, fight for their mistakes, everybody makes

one another's terrible mistakes.

Witches can be right, giants can be good.

you decide what's right you decide what's good

Just remember: someone is on your side

Someone else is not, while we're seeing our side, maybe we forgot: they are not alone.

No one is alone.

Can we just remember this during this time of unrest and anger and tragedy?

#AllLivesMatter

*additinal note: I want to be sure you all know that I understand why pointing out specific lives matter, particularly on some of these issues. I support that! What bothers me is that now people are adding these other ones and almost making it a competition and people not seeing here are two sides to every situation. Each side has mistakes and each side has innocence too. I hope that came across.

A Christmas Card from Bandit and Me

On one of the the bookshelves in my room I have on display all of the Christmas cards I've received during the season. Friends from college. Friends from the Internet. Friends from Missouri. All with pictures and stories and well wishes for the Christmas season inside of them. When I look at them I love to see their smiling faces back at me and it's nice to know they are thinking of me.

Then I feel a little guilty because another year has gone by and I haven't sent out any Christmas cards to my friends I've made over the years.

"I'm not married or have babies!" I tell myself. "They don't need a card from me!"

But let's be honest - it's just another way I fail at this whole adult thing. And that's what a blog is for. Right? Right.

Well... at least for this year.

So, since I didn't send out official Christmas cards this year. Here is your virtual one from Bandit and me. Because having a dog is the same thing as having a kid. Right? Right.

This year was a year of change for Bandit and I. At the end of 2013 we moved back to Chicago, just in time for Christmas, and started over. When I moved I didn't even have a job lined up yet, even though I had been applying and interviewing.

Then, sure enough, a friend of mine called saying she had been offered a full time nursing position and was leaving the preschool aid job she was working and was wondering if I would like to step in. Of course I would! A job is a job, and I'm good with kids.

With that, as the second half of the 2013/2014 school year rolled around I started work with the preschool and have been there ever since.

Since then I also started working at an elementary school for their after school care, and now over the holidays I've begun working at a company downtown as a work from home customer service representative. Which basically means I answer phones. I also have tried to dip my toes into some freelance writing, but haven't had the time to really dive in head first yet.

To be honest, on the job front things aren't what I thought they would be at this point. But I'm learning patience, trust, and going with the flow. I'm still working on trying to find one full time job, but for the time being this is working for the most part.

The biggest focus of my year was my sisters wedding. Natalie is outrageously happy in newly wedded bliss. Planning for the wedding was fun - but stressful at times. Overall though, the wedding was a wonderful day.

Bandit has adjusted well to Chicago life. Although, the harsh winter of 2014 was a bit of a shock to my poor Missouri dog! Most of the time I had to let him out in the garage because it was too cold or I had to put him in a little doggie coat so he wouldn't freeze outside. He and my mom's dog Indy play together all of the time and he's had to learn how to share his toys. Bandit has also had to adjust to life with the cat, Peanut. That is probably his only complaint about living here in Chicago now. He and Peanut do not get along at all. I was hoping by now he would have permitted her to come upstairs from the basement and explore during the day while he's awake. But alas, that hasn't happened yet. Here's hoping for 2015!

Mom and Dad are doing well. Mom was even busier than I was with wedding plans. She did so much work! But she also did a wonderful job. I think both Mom and Dad are glad it's over though because now they can relax a bit more. I will say, being back at home with them has it's perks. It's nice being able to spend so much time with them... and I don't have to cook for myself as often. ;-)

2014 has been full of change, but it's also been quiet. I think this was my year to rest and recoup from all of the crazy of 2013 and the big choices I made and all of the stress of ministry. While I'm not one for resting too much - I think it was good for me.

Now, it's Christmas Eve. A whole year since I moved back to Chicago. Crazy, isn't it? I've loved being back up here. I've been able to reconnect with old friends while still keeping in touch with those in Missouri (as well as I can... but I know I can do better). I love being able to go downtown again and see the city and go to shows and explore. I even have gotten used to driving around downtown Chicago if you can believe it. Not that it's my first choice or anything...

Some things haven't changed though. Jesus. My family. My friends. Love. The things that matter have stuck around even with all of the change in my life the last couple of years, so overall I think 2014 has been a good one.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all spend the holiday with those you love the most and enjoy the season.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. - John 1:14

"Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great job for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you:  You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." - Luke 2:10-12

"Love is raining down on the world tonight, there's a presence here I can tell. God is in us. God is for us. God is with us Emmanuel." - God With Us by Casting Crowns

I Feel it in My Fingers

Today for Vlogmas, the topic is our favorite holiday movie. I can never choose my favorite because it's between Love Actually and The Muppet Christmas Carol. They're both so different- but so awesome!

Tell me about your favorite holiday movies!

Music Monday- Wedding Style!

My life has been completely taken over by my sisters wedding. If you were to walk into my house all you would see are flower arrangements, bride and maid of honor t-shirts, flower pots, glass jars for the candy table, etc. It's wedding central here in the Hornburg household. My poor dad. He told me the other day "I can't wait until everything is back to normal."

Sigh. Me too.

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited for my sisters wedding and it's going to be a great day. However, it'll be nice to be able to actually use the kitchen counter and table again for something other than centerpieces.

What I did do though this week is prepare a playlist of music for the day of the wedding. The hair stylist and the bridesmaids are arriving bright and early on Saturday morning and I want to be sure we have the perfect mood set for the big day.

Here are 10 of the songs I have on the playlist:

I love the movie About Time and this song from it is so sweet and perfect for weddings.

Because obviously you can't be getting ready for a wedding without this song going through your head.

Times like this I just can't get enough of old classics.

This is their first dance song. So awesome!

A modern song- but perfect for saying "I Do!"

So... does this song remind anyone else of the TV show Growing Pains? Because I remember when Mike was going to get married he had cold feet and his dad told him about this song which helped him when he was going to marry the mom. Whenever I hear this song that's what I think of and since it was about getting married obviously it has to go on a wedding playlist.

My sister and I LOVE Disney and there's nothing quite like a great Disney love song. I found this medley for the ukulele not long ago and I've been trying to learn how to play it because it's so perfect!

Say what you will about Taylor Swift - I love her and I love this song. You don't? Oh well. I'll just shake it off... shake it off..

Obviously I have to have a song from a musical on the playlist, and "All I Ask of You" is one of my sister's favorites.

I Don't Have "The One"

A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with a good friend (who is also one of my favorite writing partners) about her most recent writing project and her use of soul mates in the story. We talked about how, especially in fantasy writing, soul mates are wonderful plot tools. While it can be cliche at times, if you do it well it make make for a great plot piece.

Then, not long ago, Nadine wrote a blog piece about how she doesn't believe in soul mates. She talked about how she loves her boyfriend, but doesn't think they are soul mates. It's a fantastic post and you can read it by clicking here.

But then, a day or two ago I was on the phone with a other good friend. She recently went to a wedding in her hometown and was able to catch up with a good friend of hers. "We're soulmates," she told me. "We're not getting married or anything like that. It's not romantic and we're friends." 

Needless to say, I've been contemplating the idea of soulmates a lot lately. 

Like Nadine, I'm not entirely sure I believe in them. Yes, I do think God has a hand in the people we meet in life and everything. However, having that "one" person be "it?" I'm not so sure. Thinking in terms of marriage, what if someone's spouse dies and they marry again? Which was one their soulmate, the first marriage or the second? What if both were truly wonderful, healthy, and happy marriages? This is just one example I can think of where I'm not sure if the soulmate idea works. It might be great for storytelling, but in real life... I'm not so sure.

But I think my friend is onto something when she said her soulmate wasn't romantic. She was telling me how for some reason beyond her explanation they just worked. When they are together something clicks and she can't explain it for any other reason than that. When I look back on some of my relationships with friends and family I understand what she means. There are some people for some reason or another it just works. 

If there are such things as soulmates, I think we need to expand our definition of the word. First, our soulmate may not just be the person we marry or end up with. A soulmate can be anybody. A friend, a sibling, parent, cousin, etc. I can see in my mind the different people in my life where I can tell someone in our spirits connect. We work together in a way it doesn't work with other people. They are people I will never be romantically involved with, but my connection to them is still just as strong.

It makes me think of a quote from Sex and the City where Carrie wonders if maybe our friends are our real soulmates and boys are just there for fun. I'm not sure if I agree with the last part of her statement, but I do like the idea of our friends being our soulmates too. Who says love has to only be romantic? (Also - the amount of times I quote Sex and the City on this blog scares me sometimes.)

This doesn't mean it's always easy though. If we are going to say there is such a thing as soulmates, we need to stop buying into the lie it'll always be easy. Even with these people in my life we still have to work at it. If we're far away from each other we need to make a lot of effort to stay connected. Even with the ones who are close by, it takes effort. Schedules conflict, we still fight and hurt each other sometimes, and we have to work at forgiveness and communication. 

Even if you have a soulmate, you're still human. We still fail each other sometimes, and we need to learn to work through it.

The last thing I think we need to change about soulmates is the idea we can only have one. Why just one? Why can't our souls connect to more than one person? Especially if we're talking about adding friendship and family to the picture. Why can't your soulmates be your spouse, your best friend, and a sibling for example? They each bring something different to your life which cannot be replaced. 

We need to stop acting as though if the love you have for someone isn't romantic, it's not as strong. 

Romantic love is amazing and powerful and I don't want to act as though it's not. Because it is and it's a beautiful thing! If you find your soulmate in this type of relationship, I think that's amazing. But we still need our friends and our family just as much. Someday I might meet the love of my life and our spirits might connect in a way I can't explain. But that doesn't mean it cancels out the other connections I've made with my family and friends.

My soul connects to all of them.

Does God have that one single person for you in life? Maybe. I'm not sure. If he has given you "the one" - that's awesome. But maybe there isn't just one person who is your soulmate. Maybe it's not a boyfriend or husband or wife or whoever. Maybe you have a small handful of people you connect with on a level you can't explain.

No matter what it is - it's beautiful.

Linking up with the Faith and Fellowship blog hop.

Overwhelmed, Lord of the Rings, Les Mis, and Polar Bears

For Vlog Every Day August (VEDA) I made a video about my reaction to Ferguson, MO. If you'd like to see it, here you go. I feel like the video explains everything of how I'm feeling right now.

Please keep the people of Missouri in your thoughts and prayers as well as the rest of us who are just trying to figure out what's happening and how to react.

Charley & Mom Vs. Biliary Atresia

A few years ago, I auditioned for my first play with the community theatre in the little Missouri town where I was living. While there, I met another young actress with blond hair and bright blue eyes, who then became my cast-mate. The rest they say, is history.

Ever since that little play, Faith County, Leslie and I have been close friends. There was even a time when the Starbucks baristas nicknamed us Thelma and Louis because we were always together. Leslie helped me to get out of my little church worker bubble and get to know the town and make new friends. She and her husband welcomed me into their little family.

Even when I went back down to Missouri to visit, Leslie was one of the first people I saw. We spent the whole afternoon running around town with her kids in the backseat singing along to Frozen and catching up on life. It was just like old times.

At this time last year, Leslie was pregnant with her second child, Charley. Three weeks after Charley was born, she was diagnosed with Bilairy Atresia. (You can learn about it here.) Then, as the months went on, she also developed Rickets. (Basically, her bones break. I feel that feel, Charley.) Charley needs a new liver, has a feeding tube to help her gain weight, and has to have her diaper changed... A LOT. She's at the top of the liver transplant list and Leslie is even prepared to donate part of her own liver.

In spite of everything, Charley is one of the happiest little babies I have ever met. She's always smiling and giggling whenever I see her.

But Charley and her family need help. All of the medical bills and special formulas and cremes start to add up. They've started a GoFundMe campaign so people can help.

I know I've shared stories like this before on the blog, but this time it's different. This time, it's for a friend. This family is so special to me and I love them so much. The goal is $5,000 and right now they've raised $1,893. Let's make this happen!

You can donate through this link and learn more details about Charley and Leslie's story: http://www.gofundme.com/bo3b94

You can like Leslie and Charley's Facebook page by clicking here.

A Dream Wedding Shower

GUYS. This is a once in a lifetime blog post. Are you ready for it?

I did something DIY that's Pinterest worthy!!!!! Are pigs flying?

It's the blogger dream, yo.

Side note: does anyone else actually miss Lizzie McGuire? Because I totally do. My BFF and I rocked that show back in the day and went to see the movie together. #teamgordo

Anyways.

Over the weekend we had a wedding shower for my sister and we (my mom, my sister's mother-in-law, and I) basically did everything. Other than some catered food, it was all us. Decorations, favors, etc. Most of the ideas were my moms and we generally just followed her directions. But I did help a lot!

My sister's wedding theme is an enchanted forest with dark purples and deep reds. So, we decided to do a bit of a "spin off" of that theme for the shower. Instead of an enchanted forest, we had a fairy garden. Then instead of the really dark purples and reds, we went for more light and bright purples and greens.

The Center Pieces

This was the biggest part of the prep. We decided to get a bunch of clay pots, paint them, then make them into mini fairy gardens. The painting took awhile because they had to dry and such. But once that was done and we got going on the planting, it was a breeze and a ton of fun!

Drying on the back porch. We did a mix of light and dark purples and greens with white stenciling.

We found boxes of miniatures for a fairy garden at Michael's. They were a bit expensive, but with 50% off coupons it was a deal!

We bought little saplings from the Home Depot for the plants, and most of them we were able to split in two. We did three plants per flower pot. Then to fill in the gaps, we added fake moss and miniature stones.

While I know many fairy gardens don't have actual fairies in them, I really wanted fairies to be part of the decorations. We couldn't find any miniature fairies anywhere though! Then, at the last minute, we found a tube of them in the toy department at Michaels. It was perfect!

The Favors

For favors we gave each guest a decorated mason jar with sangria inside. The recipe was ridiculously easy and everyone LOVED it! Some girls even took multiple jars home! Basically, we got jugs of sangria from the liquor store, then added club soda and raspberry liquer and just added as much as we wanted depending on how sweet vs. bitter we felt like having. Then we added strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries. You can garnish with whatever fruits you want!

To make the jars look pretty we tied purple ribbons around the tops just below the lid. Then we stuck little flowers inside of the tied bows. All we needed were two bouquets of fake wild flowers from Michaels and cut the individual flowers out.

This made about 30 jars.

Other Decorations and Food

For the other decorations we picked up a ton of purple items from Party City. Plates, napkins, tablecloths, etc.

For the dessert, instead of a cake we picked up tiramisu from a local bakery and they decorated it for us in the shower colors and we got a small cookie platter. It was a hit!

The girls also loved the candy table where they could fill up little bags of candy. Some of them even took some home to their own husbands and boyfriends.

As a gift to my sister and as a special centerpiece, we got her a fairy figurine for her own garden. The little white globe will glow when it gets dark out!

Games

I'm not a huge fan of shower games to be perfectly honest. I fought against it. (Kind of.) But my mom pointed out to me that we would have the guest at the shower for about three hours and we needed some way to entertain them. So I consented. But we kept the two games painless!

The first one was a "how well do you know the bride" game we picked up for about $10 at Party City. You can check it out at this link: http://www.partycity.com/product/think+like+the+bride%21+bridal+shower+game.do?navSet=110020

The other game was about movies and TV shows. We showed pictures of movies and TV shows with classic wedding scenes and the guests had to guess what they were. We found the game at this website for free:
http://www.fynesdesigns.com/free-bridal-shower-game/?crlt.pid=camp.qmvRUyJ4LIP9

As prizes we gave away the fairy garden center pieces. The girls were so excited!

Aren't you proud of me guys? I actually have something "crafty" and "DIY" enough to put on Pinterest! Maybe there's hope for me to be a "cool blogger" after all. ;-)