Monday, March 4, 2013

Standards

I've slowly come to realize that when it comes to men in my life, I am spoiled rotten.

It's something I really take for granted.

There are many times I find myself in conversations with women, many of them younger and around my own age, and hearing their complaints about their husbands and boyfriends. It's pretty typical stuff. Not really out of the ordinary. Everyone complains about their significant other and everyone has their issues. There is nothing wrong with that. Then there are moments that catch my attention more than others.

I try to raise up a few questions about it, and sometimes even comment that I know of men who are not like the ones they are describing. That there is a different kind of man out there. Ones who don't mind staying home and watching the kids, cooking, letting their wife have a career/hobbies, etc.

They usually look at me like I have two heads.


Too bad I'm dead serious.


Before I go on, please take note of a few things. I'm a single girl. I have been for longer than I care to share on the internet. I have never been married, engaged, and I don't plan on doing so anytime soon. Unless God has something completely insane up his sleeve that I don't know about yet. Therefore, these are simply my observations as a single girl and her limited experiences with men in her life.

Okay. Moving on.

In college, I had a ton of guy friends. One of my professors even called them my "harem" and one of my few close girlfriends told me I wasn't allowed to have self-esteem issues because I was surrounded by men 24/7. 

They weren't perfect by any means. AT ALL. I can't tell you the amount of times I wanted to wring their necks... even now I want to do that at times. But generally, they were good guys. They still are. A few of them had life goals of being a dad. One even went as far to say he would love to be a stay at home dad. When I had broken legs, they carried my wheelchair up and down stairs to be sure I got to class. We literally climbed (and slid down) mountains together. They cried to me when their girlfriends broke their hearts. We prayed together. Read the Bible together. They were my brothers.

A couple of years ago I was in the middle of a crazy situation with a guy, and I called on my friends for help. In a situation where many girls would simply say "Emily, that's just how guys are and you have to deal with that. There is no perfect man out there."

The men in my life would say "He's a jerk. Why are you even wasting your time on him? Yeah, guys are idiots. But they don't have to be that way. Move on and find someone better. Want me to beat him up for you?"

Okay... maybe that's not an exact quote. But that's generally what they told me. I was even advised to not tell one friend the whole story so we didn't have a murder on our hands.

When I hear my girlfriends talking about their husbands and boyfriends, I try to imagine my male-friends with their wives (yes, they are all married now to AMAZING women) and I can't even imagine them saying and doing those things the girls are complaining about.

It's not just my friends though. I think about my dad, my grandpa, my uncles, co-workers, cast members in plays, etc. How they take care of our/their families, the way they treat the women around them, how they treat other people. They're genuinely good men.

Not perfect. Trust me. Far from it. They have plenty of flaws. 

But I'm also seeing more and more of why I have such high standards for men I date.(Well... I have higher standards now than I used to. We all have to live and learn and make some major mistakes.) 

It's because I know it's possible. I've seen it. 

I do want you to know that I'm sure my girlfriends with the complaints have good husbands. I'm sure they have some great qualities that make up for their faults - just like everyone else. 

But I hate it when people look at me like I'm some crazy person saying that men don't have to be the way they are being described. 

A good man will step up. 

Yes- we need to be good to them as well ladies, but that's another blog for another time. 

Maybe I'm just spoiled. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I've watched too many Disney movies, musicals, and Jane Austen movies, and see the world through pink colored glasses. That's entirely possible. 

However, I'm not letting go of my standards and I'm not going to give the excuse of "boys will be boys." 

Yes, I could be wrong. Yes, I might be single even longer or even stay that way. Oh well. But I ask you ladies, STOP SETTLING and stick to your standards. I feel like in the long run, it's so worth it. 

Here's hoping I'm right.



Mingle 240

13 comments:

  1. stumbled onto your blog from the blog hop! def enjoyed the read!!

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  2. That's funny! I complain about my husband and his lack of cleaning skills or video game obsessions all the time. That said, he's amazing and I love him, I'm still amazed about how supportive he has been through my layoff and attempts at freelancing. :)
    Oh and I agree, I guy pausing his game to text is a pretty big deal. Lol

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    1. That's awesome he's been so supportive of you! I love it!

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  3. You are so right to have high standards, and to be wise enough to stick to them. I am certainly no expert, but I find that because I didn't compromise the personality traits that were important to me in a husband that makes me respect him more and I don't WANT to complain about him. No, he's not perfect--but I can overlook the small things because I see his positive traits far outweigh the negative ones. You are so wise, Emily. Many women, single or not, never know enough about themselves to know what they want in a husband. I don't know about God's will in your life for that area, but I do know you will be blessed because of your own wisdom, integrity and standards you have set. BIG HUGS!!

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    1. It's always nice to hear that it's okay to have high standards. It helps me to realize that I'm not crazy! And yeah, there is good and bad in everyone, but if we know what we DO want in a husband/spouse/partner, then we can learn to deal with the mistakes we all make.

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  4. I really love this. People tend to think I'm "lucky" because I met the right guy in high school and got married and it's been all perfect ever since. Um, nothing is perfect but yeah I have an AWESOME husband who is the best man I've ever met. And if I hadn't met him- I'd probably be single because I would be waiting around for a guy of the same caliber. If you set standards and stick to them, then you end up with a guy who will meet them! Or at least, more happy alone than someone dealing with a constant jerk :)

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    1. You two were high school sweethearts? I didn't know that! Crazy!

      And yeah, NOTHING is ever perfect. There is no perfect person and no perfect relationship. That doesn't mean we give up our standards. I'm so glad you found one that rose up to yours!

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  5. "Never apologize for having high standards, because people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them." I love this quote because I couldn't agree more. I feel this way about ALL relationships, romantic and friendships. I have seen so many girls desperate to get married that they totally throw their standards out the window, just to "have a man." Without standards, you loose yourself. Guys shouldn't be granted excuses for inconsiderate behavior. If a man really loves a girl, he will do whatever it takes to meet her standards and make her happy. The same goes for friends; if you really care about a friend, you'll always go out of your way to be there for that person no matter what. People take crap from others just to have a group of friends or a boyfriend. You are better off having a few people in your life that ACTUALLY care about you, then being surrounded by in-genuine people.

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    1. YES! And you're actually one of the people I look at when I need an example of this. People know your standards, and are willing to rise up to them. They know when you say something, you mean it and no one is going to mess with that! And when I was listening to these women, I thought of you and Bill. I can't imagine Bill saying or doing the things they were talking about! And it's so true that this applies to friends too. We sell ourselves short in ALL of our relationships sometimes.

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  6. Thanks! I'm so lucky to have a great best friend like you :) I think certain friendships in your life help you set standards for other people...you certainly set the bar high!! You rock!

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  7. I'm really similar in this regard. My dad is a great guy and while I have a lot of friends who are single (like me) and have dealt with a lot of jerks, I also have a lot of friends and relatives in relationships with good guys. But being in a bad relationship < being single < being in a good relationship.

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    1. It's always better to be single and waiting for the right guy than to be with the wrong guy just because you don't want to be alone.

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