Damaged Goods- Book Review

It's time for another book review. What do you say? 

Some thoughts before we get into this book:  Sex education, modesty, abstinence, and how faith plays a role, are some pretty hot topics in the Church right now. They always are, but I'm noticing in recent years more and more the "traditional" practices on teaching these subjects has been challenged. How we as a culture are viewing these topics are changing and we can see this in the Church. 

To be completely honest - I agree we (the Church) need to change how we discuss and handle the topics of sex, dating, modesty, marriage, etc. As a product of the "True Love Waits" generation, I remember all of the talks we had in youth group and how it was handled. In keeping with being honest, this was also one of the big struggles I had in ministry. I knew parents wanted me to tackle these subjects with the youth. I was completely comfortable talking about it with the youth and we would talk about relationships and such when it came up in conversations with smaller groups and one on one. However, I never had big sessions for having sex talks and such because I knew my opinions would not have been well accepted. It was one of those "what hill am I going to die on" issues. Should I have died on that hill? Maybe I should have. But I didn't because I felt as though I had other leaders I could talk about my opinions with to find the best way to handle it. 

All of this being said, I was excited to hear this book was being released and when I heard about it I immediately went over to NetGalley to request a copy to review. I also realize these are highly sensitive and personal topics. Therefore, it's hard to keep an objective view. As I read, I found it difficult to remain objective about the author's opinions.

I'm hoping my review can remain as such.

I also encourage other people to read this book. Whether you agree with Dianna Anderson or not (I don't always agree as you will see in my review) it's still something I think we should be aware of. 1) It's good for us to read the opinions of people we don't see eye to eye with. Expand your horizons! 2) At least she's starting the conversation and not playing it safe. We need to have these conversations!

While most of the "purity movement" has stemmed from Evangelical circles, it does seep into other denominations and they can feel it's influence. Also, not every congregation who addresses purity does so to the extremes some others do. There's always varying degrees. But we all still need to be having these talks and figuring out just how faith and the Church plays into these conversations.

If you are a teenager reading this book; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do so with an adult you trust. Preferably someone who shares the same faith. I know talking about these things can be hard and embarrassing, but trust me on this one, life is so much better when you have someone you can talk to about such things and help you to figure them out. I'm not saying they should have all of the answers - but they've been there before and will have insight you don't have. 

Damaged Goods: New Perspectives on Christian Purity

Author: Dianna E. Anderson

Publisher: Jericho Books

Release Date: February 10, 2015

Basic Summary:

Dianna grew up in the "true love waits" generation. She heard all of the talks. Read all of the books. She could quote all of the Bible verses. Then, something in her changed and so did her views on sex, relationships, modesty, and purity. For years, she felt ashamed of her body and sexuality and bought into what, she considers, lies about God's plan for purity. This book shares her stories, opinions, and the thoughts of others as she dives into these issues.

My Thoughts:

I've never reviewed a non-fiction book on this blog before, so I'm not entirely sure how to go about it. But I'll try. I'll divide my review into what I appreciated about the book, and then my criticisms.

What I Liked/Appreciated

- Dianna's love for the Church and for God's Word is very apparent. She's not a person who has walked away from the Church and now denies everything it has done for her. 

- She encourages the reader to not just "take her word for it." She emphasizes that people need to read the Bible for themselves and do their own research instead of just doing  and believing whatever someone else tells them to.

- She does not insult the choice to stay abstinent until marriage. She affirms this is a valid choice - as along as you know why you are making said choice and it doesn't come from a place of shame or simply because "that's what I was told to do."

- Sex and relationships need to be respectful and consensual. PERIOD. We are a community of people and all children of God. Our relationships and sex lives need to reflect this.

- Pointing out the Bible isn't as black and white about sex as we like to think it is.

- Challenging gender roles and what we think it means to be men and women of faith. (In chapter six she says, "We are not defined by gender, but rather by the grace and love which we live.")

- Our bodies are not owned by other people. They are OUR bodies.

- Have a plan for the worst case scenario.

- Respect other people no matter what they wear.

- She starts and ends with grace.

What I Did not Like/Agree With

- While there were moments I wanted to stand and applaud what she was saying, there were other moments when I wondered "Are we reading the same Bible?" While, yes, we need to understand the context of the Bible verses we read and get to the heart of what it's saying, we also can't twist it to say whatever we want it to say to prove our point and forget about other passages as well. Most people do this, which is wrong, but we need to stray away from this.

- At one point when Anderson was discussing modesty, she addresses women who are having a hard time breaking away from this mindset. One of her suggestions was for the woman to try a neckline which scared her. Um.... no. If someone isn't comfortable wearing the low cut shirt, they aren't comfortable wearing the low cut shirt! Don't tell them they should try it anyway!

- Many times I felt as though Anderson had a personal vendetta against the purity movement. Which is understandable. However, many times it didn't seem professional and it was just her wanting to argue against Joshua Harris (author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye) and other authors. As understandable as this may be, it's not the best way to bring your point across. This was the biggest turn off for me. 

- As the book went on, it all got to be too much. Sometimes I felt as though I was back in the youth room where my youth leaders (as good as their intentions were) shoving purity and modesty down my throat - only this time it was the opposite opinion.

- There were times when she addressed sexuality for other races and people with disabilities. For a majority of her book she had excellent research (even if most of it was pointing out points she didn't like from the same few authors, with other research being from interviews and surveys she conducted). Then, when she addresses the issues of race (particularly black women), I hardly saw any. While, I felt her observations were accurate, I would have liked to see some opinion of women of that particular race and hearing what they really had to say. I was grateful she had only two paragraphs for women with disabilities. Albeit, they were a good two paragraphs, but I would not have appreciated the author, a woman who does not have a disability, putting words into my (a woman with a disability) mouth.

Overall:

I appreciate what Anderson was trying to do. I'm glad she is opening up conversation and encourages people to challenge "traditional" ways of thinking when it comes to faith, sex, marriage, and modesty. There were some points 100% agreed with. Other times... I really wasn't sure where she was getting her information. I think it would be interesting to see the opinions and thoughts of people who have a history of theology in different denominations, as well as maybe some "experts" of the field. I also liked how she addressed there are different issues depending on your race and if you have a disability or not. But then was very disappointed when she didn't have interviews and opinions from women of said race. She also seemed to be someone with a vendetta, and while it was understandable, I felt it wasn't the best way to prove her point. 

I gave the book 3 out of 5 stars on Goodreads.

My Top 10 Favorite Literary Heroines

Happy Tuesday everyone! When thinking about my all-time favorite characters, it's always more difficult than I realize. At first I think "it's going to be so hard to narrow them down! I love so many!" But when I start sorting through the books I've read it's actually the opposite. As much as I love most of the characters I read about, I end up thinking more of "Yes, they're wonderful. But when I compare them to some of the others I've picked, do they really live up to that?" It's hard.

Today I'm sharing with you ten of my favorite heroines. These women are fantastic in every way and I love them so much. I made some tough cuts for this list - so it really is a tribute to the authors of these characters for creating such fantastic heronies.

Celeanea Sardothian- Throne of Glass Series by Sarah J Maas

Celeanea has quickly become one of my all time favorite characters. I can't get enough of her and her story. I binge read the Throne of Glass series recently and I'm practically forcing my friends to all read the books too so they can feel what I've been feeling reading these books. I am team Celeana 100%. She's bad-ass, feminine, strong, and I love her. Anyone who hears me talk about this girl can tell I'm way too emotionally attached for it to be healthy.

Katniss Everdeen- Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins

http://martadewinter.deviantart.com/art/Katniss-Everdeen-321150465

I really do love Katniss. She's intense and if I were a character in the books I would probably be scared of her. But I love reading her perspective and how she thinks through everything and how fiercely she loves her family and friends - even if they can't always see it.

Beth- Attachments by Rainbow Rowell

http://imnot12.tumblr.com/post/73990444646/attachments-is-a-really-cute-book-about-two-really

I didn't realize how much I loved Beth until someone criticized her. She's hilarious, a loyal friend, and okay yes a little bit of a stalker. But her story is cute and I love her.

Celia Bowen- The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

http://galleryhip.com/the-night-circus-celia-and-marco.html

Ah, The Night Circus, how I love thee. This book... there just aren't words to describe my love for this book. I had to give it's main girl Celia a shout-out. She's lovely and elegant and magical.

Scarlett O'Hara- Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

http://akalilith.deviantart.com/art/Scarlett-O-Hara-Vivien-Leigh-83740657

I cannot resist putting this firey Irish Southern belle on this list. I grew up watching Gone With the Wind and I read the book when I was in 7th grade. Let's be honest - Scarlett is a bitch. I wouldn't be surprised if she could kill with that single eyebrow raise. But that's what I love about her. She's that wonderful anti-heroine where you want to hate her, but you can't help but root for her.

Elizabeth Bennett- Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

 http://darcy--x--elizabeth.deviantart.com/gallery/

I know Lizzy will be on nearly everyone's lists. But with good reason! She was a strong female character beore that was a thing. She's funny, smart, stubborn, and fantastic.

Queen Eleanor- Eleanor of Aquitaine Trilogy by Elizabeth Chadwick

Technically, she Queen Eleanor is a real person. But, she's a prominent character in Elizabeth Chadwicks novels. I first read about her in The Greatest Knight and thought she was fabulous. When I heard she would be getting a trilogy of her own, I was over the moon! I love that a historical figure such as she is receiving the recognition she deserves.

Verity- Code Name Verity by Elizabeth E. Wein

http://www.inkbitten.com/2013/02/fan-art-code-name-verity.html

I can't say much about Verity without giving away spoilers. But just trust me... you'll love her.

Jo March- Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

http://www.deviantart.com/morelikethis/57169552

I love the movie from the 90's and I love the book, and Jo is the sister I always related to the most. She's stubborn, loves writing and telling stories, and can never decide on what she wants to do. Although, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have turned Laurie down.

Hermione Granger- Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling

http://fandomania.com/fan-art-friday-hermione-granger/k

You didn't think I'd forget about my girl Hermione, did you? Normally, with lists like these I try to leave out Harry Potter because other stories deserve to be in the spotlight too. But... come on! I have to give her a shout-out. If you don't love Hermione, you're wrong.

Linking up with The Broke and Bookish for Top Ten Tuesday.

Awesome Female Role Models - Elle Woods

Every Wednesday (and sometimes another bonus day!) I feature a female character from a book, TV show, musical/play, or movie that I think is an awesome role model.

The women who have been featured so far are:

Meg from Hercules
Maria from West Side Story
Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables
Katherine Plumber from Newsies (stage production)
Rachel Berry from Glee

Today, I want to talk to you all about Elle Woods from Legally Blonde. (The movie specifically, but that's only because I haven't seen the stage musical all the way through. I've heard it's awesome though!)

I was a freshman in high school when this movie came out in 2001, and I absolutely fell in love with it! While I'm by no means a sorority girl or fashionista and I have no intentions of going to law school, I felt like I could relate to Elle. I have had my fair share of blonde moments though. Especially when I was in high school. Now I can "fake" my blondness a bit more. ;-) My friends and I would joke that I really was Elle Woods.

Awesome Female Role Models- Rachel Berry

With the passing of Cory Montieth... I felt this week would be an appropriate time to feature one of my favorite women on TV.

Rachel Berry from Glee.

I know there are a lot of people out there who would disagree with me about Rachel being a good role model. Let me tell you - I understand.

Rachel is obnoxious, selfish, insecure, can't go two days without a man in her life, pushy, bossy, egotistic, and more. The list could go on and on about why she could be an awful role model for girls.

But I love her.

Standards

I've slowly come to realize that when it comes to men in my life, I am spoiled rotten.

It's something I really take for granted.

There are many times I find myself in conversations with women, many of them younger and around my own age, and hearing their complaints about their husbands and boyfriends. It's pretty typical stuff. Not really out of the ordinary. Everyone complains about their significant other and everyone has their issues. There is nothing wrong with that. Then there are moments that catch my attention more than others.

I try to raise up a few questions about it, and sometimes even comment that I know of men who are not like the ones they are describing. That there is a different kind of man out there. Ones who don't mind staying home and watching the kids, cooking, letting their wife have a career/hobbies, etc.

They usually look at me like I have two heads.

 

Too bad I'm dead serious.

WWCW- What Would Carrie Write?

There have been a few moments in life when I've sat back and thought "My life is like an episode of Sex and the City"... just without the sex. Or the city for that matter. Which is why whenever I have this thought, it's always a surprise.

However, I recently had a moment when I could even picture the scenes in the TV show playing out before my eyes. It makes me wonder... how would Carrie Bradshaw see this? Or...

WWCW- What Would Carrie Write?

I Feel Pretty

For a while I was seeing a trend on Pinterest. Whenever I would check out my friends pins for the day I saw the same themes repeated over and over again.

"Here are all of the exercises I need to do every single say so I can get my ideal weight."

"Look at this girl- isn't her body perfect?"

"I can't wait until I can fit into this outfit."

"I wish I could look like her."

Being healthy is good. Taking care of your body is good. Being in shape is good. However, I felt like things had gotten beyond the idea of "being healthy." (Whatever that is - considering each of us have our own bodies and "healthy" is going to look different for everyone.) The message I was seeing beyond wanting to be "in shape" was..

I am not good enough.

Nana Is Always Right

Source

Extra clothes. Pajamas. Socks. Bible. Hunger Games. Journal. iHome. Cell Phone Charger. Camera.

One by one the times were thrown into my hot pink Victoria's Secret tote bag. A few weeks prior I had gotten an invite from a girl I had met a few months ago for a girls overnight. Basically, a sleepover for grown ups.

I compulsively looked at the invitation to be sure I had everything I needed and also checking the Facebook event to try and find out if I knew anyone going. Nope. The hostess still had it set up so you couldn't see the names of people invited and I still didn't recognize anyone who had written on the wall. Drat.

Likes Girls

Inspire

Dictionary.com defines inspire as:

1. to fill with an animating, quickening, or exalting influence
2. to produce or arouse (a feeling, thought, etc.)
3. to fill or affect with a specified feeling, thought, etc.
4. to influence or impel
5. to animate, as an influence, feeling, thought, or the like

That's what I want to talk about this month. 

Heartbreak Hotel

"He's really hurt me," my friend told me last week.

We were sitting at Starbucks. It was filled with college students cramming for finals, friends catching up with each other, and an unusual amount of hipsters. I didn't even know that many hipsters existed in our little town. As I sipped my peppermint mocha I listened to my friend's story about her boyfriend. Without getting too much into the gory details, she was feeling insecure and began comparing herself to other women.

A String of Pearls

I have several friends who watch the TV show Mad Men. So, naturally one day I decided to jump on the bandwagon at do some catching up on Netflix.

Sisters... Sisters... There Were Never Such Devoted Sisters...

If you can name the musical the title of this post is from - you get the prize of being COMPLETELY AWESOME.

Any ideas where this is from????? ;)

I have to say - there is nothing quite like sisterhood. Sometimes you love each other - sometimes there is that dreaded sibling rivalry where you just can't stand each other. But even through those times... there is something about sisterhood that can't be denied. It's a connection that will never go away - and even those of you who say you don't like your sister, you know that you don't want it to.

I should know... my dad has been "blessed" to live with an abundance of women.

No one knows sisterhood like the four of us!

I have one older sister, three older half sisters, and a ton of sisters who don't actually share blood with me. And considering that I'm a girl who breaks a lot - having all of these sisters has been amazing. They are people who are there by your side every step of the way. My older sister has always had my back, and I think hurts more than I do whenever I've had to go to the hospital for yet another operation on my legs.

To the right I posted a picture of myself, my sister, and two of my "non-blood related sisters" (who are each others sisters coincidentally) that I've grown up with. Can you guess who is related to who in this picture? Ha ha. This picture was actually taken at the wedding shower for the "sister" in the right corner. I was blessed enough to be her bridesmaid.

But sisterhood - there for each other until the bitter end. There is nothing like it.

Which is why I want to talk to you about two amazing sisters - Lucy and Tracy.

Lucy is the recipient of this months' Love Drop - and her story is amazing! Check out this video:

From the Love Drop Website:

"This month we’re working with two of the sweetest sisters you’ll ever meet. Lucy was a healthy young woman until last fall, when she discovered that she had aplastic anemia, a very rare, life-threatening disease. A bone marrow transplant is Lucy’s best chance for survival, and her sister Tracy is a perfect match.

"These two women and their family are sticking together and working through the toughest time of their young lives, so this month we want to join forces with them and provide six months of insurance payments for Lucy, for a total of $3,000. As a thank-you to our team, the family will be sending out special “Lucy” bracelets to anyone who gives $25 or more."

You can find the other videos for Lucy here and here. 

Watching the videos of this family this month have inspired me! They are so amazing - and going through so much. Yet, they have smiles on their faces and laugh and enjoy each other's company. I know that through all of my operations, I wouldn't have gotten far without the rest of my family there by my side loving me. This is probably one of the toughest situations Love Drop has had to face yet. The drop goes down next week - can you help? Giving $1 can change a life!

Go to  http://www.lovedrop.us/ to find out how you can help!

I Am A Feminist- Guest Post

Some of you who aren't as avid of Harry Potter fans as I am are probably ready to read something different - here is a guest post for you all (who may or may not be HP fans) from my friend Melissa!

----

I am a Feminist

I said it. The F word. Feminist. Are you judging me yet?

Secretly... I'm A Readhead

Day 11: What Character Do You Feel You Are The Most Like?

The character I feel like I am the most like is Ginny Weasley. Which is why I didn't mention her in my post about my favorite female character.

While I may not have red hair, a gaggle of brothers, I haven't had a million boyfriends, and would probably die playing Quidditch, I think we are still a lot alike.

Ginny can hold her on while hanging out with the guys. A lot of my friends are guys, and while I'm not really a "tom boy" (and neither is Ginny by the way), I can still hold my own. At least from what I can tell.

Ginny doesn't give up on people easily, and neither do I. Even when Harry shows absolutely no interest in her at all, she never truly gives up on him. She is still his friend, and holds a special place in her heart for him. I try not to give up on people either. They mess up, make mistakes, and sometimes ignore me completely. But I still have hope for them, and having to "give up" on someone is really hard for me. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but that's how I am. 

We Wouldn't Last A Day Without Her

Day 7: Your Favorite Female Character

I feel lame for picking one of the power trio. I feel as though I should be more creative.

But I can't help it.

I think Hermione Granger is fantastic.

The Other Box - Part 2

I have issues with labels. In my last post, I talked about how there seem to be different types of genres of blogs and that I'm not sure which my blog would fit into. If they had a list of "types" of blogs I would have to check the box labeled "other."

Katie

As my regular readers and some of my close friends may know, I have volunteered to be part of an organization called Love Drop by being on their blogger network. Which means that once a month I dedicate a blog post to Love Drop.

I have quickly become SO INCREDIBLY passionate about Love Drop. It's such a great idea. I feel as though God has truly put loving other people in simple ways on my heart. Love Drop (and it's affiliates ItStartsWithUs and Love Bomb) are AMAZING examples of this! With simply giving a small amount of your time/talents/money, you can change a life and show someone you love them!

Advice for Teenage Girls- My Two Cents

 I hope you all liked reading what others had to say about relationships and what they would tell Jr. high girls about guys and relationships. It's so impressive to me that people took this so seriously and really thought about what they wanted to say.

Well, I thought that I would put in my two cents. This is what I would tell young women today about love, dating, sex, and relationships.

If You Could Tell Girls About Relationships... Part 2

I think I'm finally recovered from the Twilight Lock-In last week. Just in time for our trip to 6 Flags too!!!! Oh summers in youth ministry. It's so fun!

Recap: In my last blog I told you all about how I asked various women for their advice to jr. high girls about relationships and then gave you their answers.

The general advice given was: don't let a guy ruin your dreams, be friends first, be yourself, don't rush into anything you don't want to do, put your relationship with God first, be honest, don't worry, listen to your gut, you are beautiful, find a man who loves God, God has a plan, and a healthy relationship is hard work.