Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Heartbreak Hotel

"He's really hurt me," my friend told me last week.

We were sitting at Starbucks. It was filled with college students cramming for finals, friends catching up with each other, and an unusual amount of hipsters. I didn't even know that many hipsters existed in our little town. As I sipped my peppermint mocha I listened to my friend's story about her boyfriend. Without getting too much into the gory details, she was feeling insecure and began comparing herself to other women.

I check up on some of my favorite blogs. One woman is going through a divorce, and while she is a strong person and tries to act tough- its obvious that she's in pain. Another woman was broken up with through an email by her long time boyfriend and now finds out that a man who has been trying to reach her heart is actually seeing someone else.

Then last night I get a phone call as I'm trying to sleep. A friend of mine is crying on the other end. She just had a conversation with a guy she's been getting to know online for six months now and she finally got the courage to show him her picture. He had a hard time disguising how disappointed he was. Six months of conversations went down the drain because she wasn't "what he thought she was."

I know I've had so many moments where I think "I'll never be like her" and "I'm just not good enough" and "I'm just not what guys are looking for." We've all been there.

First - please save the lectures of "if a guy is going to be that way he's not worth your time" and "someday a real man will come into your life who won't make you cry" and "but you're so pretty." Us women - we know. We've been told these things hundreds of times. Heck, I even repeated some of those same exact things to my friends the last few weeks.

We know.

The thing is - all of these women are amazing. They are beautiful, intelligent, strong, and independent. They have their own jobs, friends, thoughts, ideas, and are crazy talented. These aren't women who are the type who simply sit at home and say "someday my prince will come" or feel as though they need to be rescued. They can rescue themselves just fine.

I think that's what gets me. No matter how strong, independent, intelligent, funny, or pretty a girl is - one single word can shake her to her core. Many times it's from a man - but it can be from anyone, really. It can be from a co-worker, friend, family member, boyfriend - anyone. This is universal for women everywhere. All you need to do is look at sites like The Good Women Project, You Me & Charlie, or even just Pinterest to see how much women desire to be loved, cherished, and honored, and how they always are needing to remind themselves they are worth more.

And it breaks my heart.

Why do we do this to ourselves? We know that we shouldn't compare ourselves to other people. Guys who are superficial and don't give us a second glance because we don't fit into their box of what they think beauty is aren't worth our time - we know this. When a guy breaks up with you through an email - you deserve more. We know this.

But it still gets to us. The jerks in this world still hurt us. That's why they're jerks.

So I just ask you - especially now around Christmas when these insecure feelings tend to rise up stronger than usual- remind a woman in your life how awesome she is. It'll be the best Christmas (or Hanukkah) gift you can give her.


  1. So very very true. I agree with this 100%. There's this quote that I love. It says: "A woman has amazing strengths. She can deal with stress and carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming. She sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy and laughs when she's afraid. Her love is unconditional. There's only one thing wrong with her...she forgets what she's worth." And it's so true. Thank you for your thoughts. :)

  2. @Sarah- that's a great quote! And it's not the women are perfect - they aren't. But this has just been coming up a lot lately and it really makes me sad. It's an ongoing battle. One for the women who have to deal with it, and also for the few good men out there who are trying to treat women better but we just don't realize it.

  3. Advice I'm willing to take I know an handful of brilliant, wickedly awesome birdies one of them of course including me(my if I'm going to be proper) mum.

  4. THIS WAS AMAZING!! Thank you so much for writing it. Absolutely beautiful. :)

  5. Amen sister!

    I have a few friends who put their entire worth on what guys think/thought of them.. it's so not worth it to tear yourself up over some guy who is a complete idiot. It really is a universal feeling that we've all dealt with, but that we shouldn't let overcome us. Women are built to be strong for reason.

    Thanks for writing this. :) Totally agree with all of it.

  6. @kayleigh- You're welcome! I'm so glad it touched you!

    @Cherie- we are built to be strong for a reason. I just hope we all can be reminded of that EVERY DAY

  7. This was not working on my iPad... so let's try again...

    I can totally relate; this was high school for me. Even though I considered myself to be independent and mature, guys wanted nothing to do with me, and it hurt. I don't know if I was more upset about the fact that they found me unattractive, or the fact that my supposed "worth" was judged only on this one factor.

    I think this extends beyond just guys' opinions of women. Any person can be devastated by another person's words of judgment, especially if the person judging is someone whose opinion they care about. If I overheard a coworker say something negative about me, it would likely cast me into self-doubt for a period of time. Dan Pearce had a powerful post recently about how everyone just wants to know that they're a good person and that they're loved. So your message to tell others this about themselves is perfect :)

  8. @Jessica- you know what's awesome? We can talk about this in REAL LIFE tomorrow. SO FREAKING EXCITED. :D

  9. Will do!

    Its amazing how we(very beautiful, talented women)let these insecurities tear us apart and I have to admit, the winter weather with the lack of sunlight doesn't help moods. :( We are wonderful... no matter what anyone tells us!

    Life, Love, and Roses


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