Tuesday, July 6, 2010

If You Could Tell Girls About Relationships... Part 2

I think I'm finally recovered from the Twilight Lock-In last week. Just in time for our trip to 6 Flags too!!!! Oh summers in youth ministry. It's so fun!

Recap: In my last blog I told you all about how I asked various women for their advice to jr. high girls about relationships and then gave you their answers.
The general advice given was: don't let a guy ruin your dreams, be friends first, be yourself, don't rush into anything you don't want to do, put your relationship with God first, be honest, don't worry, listen to your gut, you are beautiful, find a man who loves God, God has a plan, and a healthy relationship is hard work.

As I was sending this mass facebook message to women that I knew, I started thinking about all of the guys who would also have good relationship advice. I mean, what 13 year old girl doesn't wonder what guys are thinking? (Come to think of it, what girl no matter what age doesn't think that?) So I sent a message a lot of the guys that I knew. And like with the women- WOW! The response I got was amazing. Three things:

1) At first more guys responded than girls. In the end more women responded, which is fine. But at first my facebook inbox was being filled with responses from guys. So cool!
2) Two guys facebook IMed me (almost at the same time actually) and told me that they were going to take their time and really think about what they wanted to say. It was so awesome to see how seriously they were taking this.
3) Many of them told me I was insane for doing a Twilight lock-in... I didn't argue.

So the question I asked the men was this:

If you could tell young women today ONE THING about guys and dating, what would it be?

Like my last blog, I'm only going to put up summaries and paraphrases because some people wrote A LOT. Which is great! So if you want to read everything they told me just let me know and I can get it to you.
  • Never assume that we know what you are thinking and why you are thinking it. Just tell us flat out what you would like for us to know. By doing that you avoid a whole boatload of conflicts. - Matt, 30's, married with children
  • Guys are just as confused by girls as they are of us. - Aaron, 20's, married
  • My recommendation is to become friends first. Date on the bases of friendship rather than physical attraction or fluctuating emotions and hormones. Physical attraction and hormones is a poor foundation for any relationship. In a friendship people are valued.- Bill, 50's, single
  • Most young men 12-25 are thinking about sex. That's what I'd tell them. So take your time, and find a guy who is more of a friend than a lover. - John, 20's, single
  • How about pacing? By 8th grade most girls are feeling ready for dating, but some still aren't. And that's even more true for boys, many of whom have this vague sense that they like to be around girls now, but aren't ready to do much beyond that.- Ben, 20's, married
  • Guys are thinking about girls most of the time. Unless they are playing video games, then they are thinking about the video game. If there is a girl in the game, they are thinking about that girl. If you want his attention, get him away from the video game. You're their sister in Christ first, and remind them of that. If you want a guy to pursue you: get his attention, let him know you are available, run away from him (not too far or too fast though). If he still doesn't pay attention to you, it's his problem not yours. Don't call him endlessly. - Bryan, 20's married
  • Boys will come into your life, and boys will come out of your life. Don't lose sleep over it. One day a MAN will come into your life and you will marry him. - Mark, 50's, married with children
  • Guys are brainwashed into thinking that all women act, think, and look like women in media. They need help learning that girls are deeper than what songs say. Guys are also very vulnerable and insecure. They just want to be appreciated, liked and loved, the way girls do. - Lane, 30's, married with children
  • Guys are dense......as in they do not always get small hints. Assuming a guy knows something over and over again......does not work. Sometimes we just do not get it. That’s when patience and more patience comes in. – Brian, 20's, single
  • I'd tell them to wait. - Todd, 20's, single
  • Look for a husband, not just a boyfriend. Boyfriends are low-commitment and will end in heartbreak, husbands are high-commitment with someone you can love and trust. Look for a  mature Godly-warrior who has a strong relationship with Christ. Strive to become the woman God wants you to be. -  Colter, 20's, single
  • Be an Audry Hepburn in a Paris Hilton world. (Classy vs. sexy & Cosmo) Don't pretend to be someone you aren't. Don't give into pressure. Have fun. - Adam, 20's, married
  • Guys at that age [Jr. High & Early High School] are really awkward and don't really know what they want. - Steve, 20's, single
  • Don't pick jerks. Also, don't get caught up in the drama and gossip of relationships. Don't go out with someone just because you feel like it or because of your friends. - Jaymes, 20's, single
  • There isn't one pad answer for every guy. Guys at that age are still figuring out who they are and deal with the same issues girls do. Self-confidence, acceptance, etc. Don't assume stero-types are true for all guys. - Matt, 20's, newly-married
  • Guys are thinking about and are worried about the same things that you are. Plain and simple. -Jon, 20's, single
  • Don't go out with a guy because you think he can change, but instead date the guy you hope will never change. - Tyler, 20's, in a relationship
  • Listen to your parents. They know a thing or two. -Tim, 20's, married.
So awesome! It was a lot of fun getting all of these responses. I'm pretty sure it was the highlight of planning this lock in. 
    Guys reading this, how would you answer? If you could tell young women today one thing about guys and dating, what would it be?

    I know I said that this was going to be in 2 parts, but I think I'm going to make it 3 parts so I can put in my own opinions. Stay tuned!

    Side note: if you like reading my blog, try out this new one I'm involved with! It's a blog written by 11+ people, just our random thoughts and ideas. It just got started and I love it so far! There are so many different views of the world and opinions, and I think you'll enjoy it. http://unberievable.blogspot.com/

    1 comment:

    1. I think too many girls are focused on finding "The One." I'm here to break your heart, ladies... There is no "The One."

      Gonna try to boil this down to 2 key points, and I'm gonna try to make it short. I know the goal was 1, but I just can't tie these two together. There's a lot I want to say, but I don't have the energy to type it, and you don't have the energy to read it.

      1. God didn't make you compatible with only one person in 7 billion (meaning statistically your soul mate is in China or India). Don't stay in a relationship just because you're scared nobody else will ever love you like Tommy. There are 150 million other men in the USA, at least one is bound to "get" you better than that emotionally-abusive a-hole. Don't be afraid to leave.

      2. High School is NOT the end of the world. I know it seems like the drama you experience at Magnet High is the absolute worst thing ever and you'll never have any friends because of it, but I'm here to tell you I lived through some pretty wonderful drama, and looking back, I think that letting the High School (and Junior College) drama eat me up as much as it did was rather silly.


    Share with me your thoughts! They make me smile.