Monday, October 14, 2013

A Brand New Start

Who knew that I would be grateful for Monday morning?
Yes... I still had to hit the snooze button about three times because my bed is just so comfortable and I was having an awesome dream about Castiel from Supernatural.


But as the morning has gone on, I am more and more happy it's Monday. Maybe it was the dream, maybe it's because on my drive to work this song came on (and I can't be in a bad mood after listening to it) or the Starbucks I was able to scrape up enough money for...

I think what it is though... is that it's done. The announcement is made, it's all happening.

Remember how last week I was asking for prayers and good thoughts and I was on an emotional roller-coaster?

It's because I quit my job.

Well... technically, I sent in my resignation letter.

This has been a long time coming - but most people didn't know about it. For a long time now, I have felt God whispering to me. Not a literal audible whisper, but nudgings and urgings. (I know this is a lot of "Christianese speak" and I apologize for that. I hate getting all into "Christianese" but sometimes there really isn't a better way to describe it.) I feel like God has been telling me that I've done what I needed to do in youth ministry, I did well, but it's time to move on.

It took me what felt like forever to make a decision. For months I prayed,, talked with friends and family, cried, and thought. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do and which direction to take. I love the youth here, I love the families, and I don't want to leave them.

But I also know in my heart this isn't what God is calling me to do right now.

So, in early May, the day I wrote this blog post, I jumped off the ledge. I met with my senior pastor at Starbucks and we talked for a long time. We talked about what I felt God was telling me, where my passions are, how to approach the congregation, what my timeline would be, and everything about life. I am so grateful for that conversation. I went into it with shaking hands and worried about how he would react.

And he reacted as a friend, wanting to encourage me and help me find my calling.

We decided I would say through the remainder of the year. No one else can do what I do at the last minute during the summer with the youth, and I knew the months would fly by. August or September would be too soon for me to get things together.

So I am staying through December. It gives me time to job search, get things ready here at the church, and also wrap up loose ends.

All of the formal announcements came last week, and I am floored by the support I have been given. Everyone has been incredibly understanding. Parents have even approached me in helping me in my job search. It's all been so bitter-sweet. A mix of tears and excitement.

It was perfect timing because a lot of the college students were home for the weekend. One of them that I've known for a long time (she was an 8th grader when I started at this church!) came and talked to me for a while. She understood. She noted "This week must have been emotionally exhausting."

It really was. It wasn't bad, but emotionally exhausting.

So here I am, Monday morning. While there are elements of sadness lingering in the air, I feel relieved.

Everyone knows. No more secrets. No more big announcements.

I may have no idea where I am going next or what God's plans are for me. But at least it's the first day of a new beginning. A weights has been lifted off of my shoulders and I can move on.

I'm excited and scared. (Name that musical!)

And honestly... and it sounds awful... but it makes me excited for this blog and my writing. I'm going to be able to share with you all what I've been thinking and feeling over the last several months (if not years) which I haven't been able to before. Already, from the few blog/internet friends I've been able to share with I have gotten amazing amounts of support. You all get to be with me there on the journey. (And I'm getting a new blog design in the next few weeks - yay!)

So... here we go.

Bring it on,  Monday.

^^

20 comments:

  1. This sounds really interesting, do you have any idea where you want to go after this, what kind of job you want to do in the future? Anyway I'm happy the weight has been lifted off your shoulders and the best of luck for what's to come!

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    1. I have no clue. Well... kinda. I've had ideas (writing, something in theatre, even maybe someday opening up a coffee shop or bookstore or something) but nothing concrete. Right now whatever job will take me!

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    2. Oh, wow, so no necessarily church business? You're doing a whole turnover which is awesome but also scary.

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    3. Yeah, I'm doing a COMPLETE change. It's... terrifying. Exciting. But terrifying. And I'm moving... just where to is also up for grabs at the moment.

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  2. This must have been such a difficult thing to do. Changing where we are going in life is never easy, especially when it's something you've devoted so much of your life to.

    I'm happy to hear that everyone has been supportive of you. I've known situations where the church and youth took it horribly and weren't understanding, and it made things difficult.

    My old youth leader withdrew from ministry shortly before I graduated high school. He wasn't my direct youth leader, but he had been the most important leader in my life. We lost contact because he moved for a while, and last year we connected again when he became my boss for a while. The roots that he built with the youth in our community and the relationships he formed have continued to affect most of us into our adult lives. With him no longer being involved in ministry, he's had the opportunity to be more than a leader -- he's become a friend and a mentor, and the relationship my husband and I have with him and his wife is something I wouldn't trade for the world.

    Anyways, the reason that I shared that is this -- I have no doubt in my mind that there are people who you have touched beyond what you even know. People who will one day come back into your life and form relationships based off what you've done for them. People as well, who you may not connect with again, but who have their lives changed because of you. Because you were there for when you needed to be. And as you move forward, no matter what comes next, that capability to touch lives is going to follow you wherever you go, and the ripples of what you have done for others are going to continue as well :)

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    1. ::hugs:: thank you so much! It has been an incredibly hard several months. I've hated keeping the secrets and even the time before then when I was debating what to do... it was rough. Hearing that story actually makes me feel better about the situation. Because part of why I stayed so long was because I LOVE LOVE LOVE building these relationships with the youth and being able to mentor them. However, there also have been times when I've felt I've been prevented from being able to do so. Hearing that people really do keep in touch and connect with former youth leaders helps. Because we have been saying all week "we'll still keep in touch!" but who knows if that'll actually happen. I've gone back and forth on how much I want to stay connected because I don't want to take away from what will be happening at the church in the future. So... this just makes me feel SO MUCH better! Because either way, if we connect, if we lose touch, or if we reconnect somewhere down the line, it's all going to be okay. I was here for a reason and God knows what he's doing.

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  3. God is awesome and I know that he'll lead you into where you are supposed to be. I've literally had to remind myself that life does has its seasons and each has its purpose. So you've completed your purpose at that particular church and youth group and God has something else just as beautiful in store. No need to fear though... :)!
    Found you through Monday Mingle and now following via Twitter!
    -Natasha @ Lovely You
    www.lovelyyoublog.com

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    1. Thanks so much Natasha! I know He has something awesome planned - just don't know what yet! :)

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  4. I am so happy for you that you have had the faith to trust in God's plan for you and know that although this is what you have loved that there is more out there that he wants for you. I am sure you have made major impacts on those you have worked with and that you will be greatly missed but it's amazing that everyone has come out with kind words and offers of help and support for your job search.
    I hope you find something perfect for you that makes your heart happy.
    x

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  5. I bet that felt good to get off your chest! I'm so glad that I've been able to be there for you through this process. I think you're very brave. Most people just stay put in life, because they are afraid of the unknown. To me, it's important to listen to God because He knows what's best! I know great things are ahead for you, because you are one of the best and kindest people I know. Love you bestie!

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    1. It was really hard, especially Wednesday night. There were some youth I couldn't even look at without crying! But now that it's all out there... I feel really good about it. And from here on out it should be downhill... hopefully. God will figure it out!

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  6. Oh my God, that's so exciting!!! I mean, understandably terrifying. But also exciting. And clearly, you have an angel watching over you, even if it's Castiel the Fictional ;)

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    1. Yeah! It's completely terrifying and exciting at the same time. So we'll see what happens. And with the week opening with Castiel... it's gotta be a good sign, right? I don't remember what the dream was about, but I remember I was making him some sort of present and he was there and I was really happy. So... yes. Good way to start the week.

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  7. let me tell you something: if you are organized, outgoing, ambitious and have an aptitude for learning, YOU WILL FIND ANOTHER JOB. being in a job you hate or working with douchebag dillholes or just being in a boring job isn't something that will further your career because how can you get up every morning and go somewhere that you hate going to? that's always my motto: find something you love otherwise you're just wasting away and life is too short to live in such misery.

    so good for you for taking the plunge. you'll land on your feet and who knows? maybe the perfect job is just around the corner :)

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  8. Beautiful. Good luck, babe. I went through a huge transition earlier this year that also was behind-the-scenes and not public for months. I know how hard it can be. Big love to you as you find your next calling and end this chapter. xo.

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    1. It is SO HARD! Especially this summer I was on so many trips with the youth and there were so many opportunities where I wanted to tell them but I couldn't. It was rough. But it's all out there now, and we'll see what's next!

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  9. I'm so excited for you! What a giant leap. Are you staying open to another call or are you looking for something brand new and exciting?

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  10. Wow! So excited for you to take this leap of faith and start a new part of your life! <3

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    1. I had a feeling you would be excited for me! We might need to chat sometime so I can get advice about starting my life over since you seem to do it ALL THE TIME!

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