Dilemma

I have found myself with a dilemma.

On the one hand, it's kind of a good one. I've figured out my problem with why I haven't had any blog inspiration lately.

On the other hand - I don't have a solution.

It's not that I don't have things to talk about. So many times people say "My life is boring", "I don't have anything to say", and let's be honest - it simply isn't true. When we truly think about it, we all have something we want to say. Even if it is just about what outfit we wore, or the song we're listening to on repeat at the moment, the movie we watched recently, the book we're reading, the people we're hanging out with, etc.

There's always something to say.

It's figuring out which one to talk about.

This is where I get stuck. While trying to decide what I want to write about (or make a video about), I go through a series of censors.



This Blog is Not Anonymous

There are times I envy the people who have blogs that are anonymous. They can say whatever they want, and it's going to go jump out and haunt them later. (Most likely.) These bloggers aren't going to run into a family member, a friend, or a co-worker or someone and have to have some awkward conversation about a blog post you had written at some point or another.

I worry about this probably far more than I should. While a majority of my readers (that I'm aware of) are actually friends I've made on the internet. However, I do have family members, friends, co-workers, some congregation members, and once in a blue moon a youth might come across this site.

In a way it's weird. You would think that with most things you would rather share with people you actually know than to share it all over the internet. It really don't make sense, but there are times when I'm just like "I don't care if a stranger knows this... but someone I see everyday? Heck no!"

I Get Blog Envy

I think a lot of bloggers go through this at some point - so I know I'm not alone. I read a lot of other blogs.

A LOT.

So many times I read them and I think:

"Why can't I be that funny?"

"I'm not that deep and intelligent."

"That's such a great point- why didn't I think of that first?"

"I would write about that... but it's already been done. I don't want it to be overkill."

"That blog is so much PRETTIER THAN MINE!"

"Their video was so creative. I don't have the time to do that, or the fun ideas either. They also must have fancier video editing programs than I do."

So I end up not writing at all.

I Could Get In Trouble

There are many times there are certain topics I want to talk about - but I know I simply can't. I've crossed lines in my writing before, and I've learned my lessons. The hard way.

I'm not saying that I'm afraid of losing followers or things like that. It's fine if people on the internet disagree with  me and decide to not read my blog anymore. Whatever.

It's when what I want to say could get me into trouble. SERIOUS trouble. Like... I could lose my job, or at least lose a lot of respect from people I work with kind of trouble. Especially in the area I live in and the church denomination I work for, more often than not my opinion is the unpopular one.

Is writing my opinion about such things on this blog really worth all of that?

Or even not getting in trouble - but I think about the teenagers and their parents reading this sometimes. I don't think it happens often, but it has on occasion  There are times I think "how would they respond?" If I write about having doubts, or wondering about my future, frustrated with my job, or talking about being single, etc. I don't want people to think that I'm a bad Christian (which... I kinda am if we're totally honest), or that I'm thinking of leaving this church, or even worse...

Random people in Cape trying to set me up on blind dates.

Shudder.

Some Things I Simply Don't Want On the Internet

It's like the opposite of the anonymous blog thing. While there are times I want to write things that I don't want people I know to read - but there are also times when I don't want the entire universe to know what I'm thinking and feeling.

When there is something personal going on in my life, or struggles that I'm having, or emotions that are going on in my heart - guess what? Not all of you are in my bulls eye.

Not that I don't LOVE my blog and internet friends. I do.

But there are some things that simply are for my bulls eye people.

And them alone.

It's Already Been Said

I look back at some of my most popular posts, which many times are my best ones. I see the posts people tend to comment on, and I love it. It reminds me that I CAN write something good, and people like it.

But what if my opinions on those topics have already been exhausted?

What if I simply have nothing else to say or add to with those conversations?

Source

Which leaves me here... with nothing to blog about. I end up filling out little surveys and making vlogs about topics people tell me to talk about. There are times I read my blog posts, and while they are fine and entertaining, I sit back and think, "I NEVER talk like that. Like... EVER. Why did I just publish that on the internet? Who is this person?"

I love blogging. It's so much fun. I love sharing my opinions, hearing what others have to say, making friends, all of those awesome things that come with blogging. But what do I do now?

Yes, I'll be blogging about NaNoWriMo in November. I'll be making videos on occasion, giving you all updates on my life, and do other fun stuff. But, is that all there is?

Do you all censor yourself when you blog/vlog?

What do you do when you get into a rut?

Are my censors too extreme?

How do you be vulnerable without giving too much away?

Any thoughts? Ideas? Advice? Anyone find themselves in the same (or at least similar) situations?