Wednesday, August 12, 2015

An Apology to Old Friends

I've been noticing a trend in my Timehop app lately. As I scroll down through the years I notice the ones from my early years of Facebook. Do you remember those days? When we would actually write on one another's walls and have conversations that way? Not using Facebook messenger or tagging them. Actually writing on someones wall outside of the yearly "Happy Birthday!" message. Those early posts are filled with messages and notes and conversations from my college friends. About how we can't wait for the semester to start so we could see each other again or what we've been up to over the summer or making plans for the Weeks of Welcome staff. It's been making me nostalgic for my college friends.

On top of that, one of the college friends I have kept in touch with just moved away. It all came about quickly so I didn't have much time to process before she actually left. She'll be back in a few weeks for a wedding, but the fact remains, she and her husband won't be living here in Chicago anymore.

The same day she moved, some of my other college friends were in town. Originally, they were going to be at church with us, but then plans changed.

This made me realize what a terrible job of keeping in touch with people I've done in the years since graduating college.

I think of the core group of people I spent my time with and how important they were to me. We went to one another's weddings and drove across country to go, and texted and Facebooked, and back in the day AIM was our life saver during the summers. I swore we all would be friends for the rest of our lives and see each other all of the time after graduation.

But that hasn't happened.

I see people's Facebook updates and others whom I was friends with and how their lives have changed. People who seem to have similar situations as me where they left ministry or have had some of the same struggles with our Synod. I wish I had gone to them for support. While the end result may have been the same, at least I would have known I wasn't alone.

All of this is part of life and growing up and being an adult. We lose touch with some friends and we make new ones. I love the new friends I've made since graduating. But I notice how I've lost touch with those in Missouri as well, and I haven't been gone all that long.

Even the people who are here in Chicago, I notice I haven't been the greatest of friend to them since I've moved back. Yes, we see one another and all of that, or we go to church together every week, or hang out time to time, but I know I can do a much better job.

It makes me miss the girl from my Concordia days. Don't get me wrong, I love how I've grown and changed. I make more of an effort to be who God made me to be and not what others might think I should be. I love the group of online friends I've made through blogging and YouTube and the experiences I've had. There are a lot of ways I'm glad I'm not the girl I once was.

At the same time, she was much more dedicated to the people in her life. She made more of an effort. She had fun and didn't crawl into a hole as often or get anxious about social situations the way I do sometimes.

So, this is my apology to my friends of the past. Those from high school and college and Missouri with whom I've let go of. I'm sorry. I want to do better, and I don't know how I'll do better. But I want to. Please don't take my lack of keeping in touch as a lack of caring - because I do care.

Have other people noticed this as they've gotten older? How do you balance maturing and having new experiences, but still valuing the people from the past? How do you make time for people and keeping in touch? Do you ever feel like some of the ways you've changed aren't the best?

I'm also sorry I couldn't post pictures of everyone. Womp womp.


  1. I think about this a lot too. Thanks for posting this. It's hard because all of our lives change in so many different ways and we all go in different directions. I think it's natural to have distance form between friends who are just living their "new" paths in life. One thing I always do is reach out to someone if they're on my mind. Even if we talk infrequently, I'll shoot someone a message or email kind of like a "remember when..." I don't think we stop being friends with those people we cherish and love; it's just life. There are some friends who I would love to talk to more or I wish we did make time to see each other more often, but I think that's just a part of changing throughout your life. I always feel bad that I'm not doing more to keep in touch with my friends from the past, but I'm glad to hear that you think about this too. I think when you care about people so much, you always want them in your life some way or another--no matter if it's talking every day or messaging each other occasionally. I don't think they ever leave, but I do think communication changes at different points in our lives. Thanks for sharing!!

  2. I feel like I have never gotten the hang of serious friendships. So, while I'm sorry you haven't been up-keeping those relationships, but I think it's great you had it to begin with.

  3. I feel this post a lot. As great as Facebook is to see what people are up to, etc, being in different cities, states, etc makes it hard to maintain any real contact. Especially with jobs, families, etc. I know I find it hard sometimes to see some of the friends even near me because of working most weekends with my job. So keeping in contact with those I don't see is even harder.

    But I do think it's important to remember that "liking" something isn't a conversation. I'm guilty of doing that, rather than taking the time to personally comment. I always appreciate private messages and comments from people I see regularly or haven't seen in forever. I find that is my go-to method for keeping in contact, even though I often suck at that as well.


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