Friday, July 2, 2010

If You Could Tell Girls About Relationships... Part 1

As many of you may know, Wednesday night I held an all-girl Twilight lock-in where we went to go see the movie Eclipse. Many of you told me I am insane... I won't argue with that. Haha.

For the lock-in portion of the night we did some guy talk. Which makes sense considering it was with a bunch of  jr. high/going into high school girls who just saw a Twilight movie. (They LOVE Taylor Lautner, it's so funny!) As I was preparing I thought that it would be really cool to get some insight from women who are older than them.

The responses I got? WOW! So awesome! I was completely floored by how many people responded and gave such awesome answers. I asked St. Andrew members, non-St. Andrew members, Christians, non-Christians, single, married, dating, engaged, ages 20-60's, etc. The variety was so cool and everyone took it so seriously. Then even beyond that, everyone wanted to know what everyone else was saying. Therefore, the blog. Some people wrote a lot, which was great, but it would take up way too much space. So I'm only going to do highlights/summaries/short quotes of what people said.

I asked the women these questions:

 If you could tell young women today one thing about relationships, what would it be?
 What is your hope for young women today in their relationships?
  • Put yourself first and don't compromise your dreams for a guy. - Julie, 20's, newly married
  • Focus on friendship, make purity your #1 priority, pray for your future husband NOW - Kristen, 20's married w/ children
  • My mom always told me to let the man pursue YOU! Also, if the guy is trying to change you get out NOW. - Melanie, 20's in a relationship
  • Know yourself and don't change for a guy. - Anne, 20's, engaged.
  • Create boundaries with God before getting into a relationship. - Cat, 20's, single
  • Wait, you don't need to rush into a relationship. God has someone chosen for you, so be patient. Then for all relationships- forgive. We need to view all people in our lives with the eyes of Jesus. - Sue, 50's, married
  • Love yourself exactly how God made you. Dating someone isn't going to take away your insecurities, it could possibly make it worse. Focus on your relationship with God and don't waste time dwelling on guys. Remember how beautiful you are inside and out and you already have the best love ever: Christ's. - Erin, 20's, single
  • I want young women to remember that you have to love yourself before you allow another to love you. Be yourself. - Kelly, 20's, in a relationship
  • Stay true to yourself. If a guy really likes you, then you have no reason to change or do something you don't want to. - Julie, 20's, in a relationship
  • Don't rush into a relationship to find yourself. Also, read Hosea 2. I love the analogy of Christ and the church. - Laura, 20's, single
  • Never back down from your dreams, wishes, desires, and goals for a man. - Jen, 20's, in a relationship
  • Honesty, trust, communication, willingness to accept, knowing who you are now may not be the person you will be- neither is the person you are going to marry, respect. - Melinda, 20's, married with children.
  • Honesty, honesty, honesty. - Kirstin 20's, married with children
  • Don't rush into things just to be in a relationship. Relationships are a privilege, not a right. - Bri, 20's, newly married
  • Love God first, love yourself, hold onto your dreams, live on your own/travel for a year while you're single, do a year of therapy with a licensed therapist, learn how to fight well, women always struggle with having "too much" while guys struggle with having "not enough."- Erin, 20's, single
  • Don't worry. If God can handle orchestrating the hundreds of prophesies necessary to prove Jesus as the messiah, surely he can handle the pairing of human beings. - Sam, 20's, in a relationship
  • Marriage is God's ideal relationship. Wait. Wait. Wait. Don't date someone you wouldn't consider marrying. Stay close to God. - Dianne, 60's, married with children
  • Never be with someone who wants to change you. -Kim, 20's, single
  • Don't expect a guy to make you happy. A relationship is healthy if you are happy with yourself first. - Marriann, 50's, married with children
  • Ask yourself: "Does this guy make me a better person for God, for my family, and for myself?" Also, if you are in a good relationship with someone, purity will be a lot easier because you respect each others choices. - Kim, married with children
  • Don't feel pressured to do anything you aren't comfortable with. The chances of you marrying the person you are dating right now is VERY slim. Remember that we are forgiven, but that doesn't give you a free pass to do whatever you want. - Rebeckah, 20's, married and pregnant
  • Don't underestimate listening to your gut. If you feel like something isn't right, chances are it's not. But also, it's OK to have problems in a relationship. It's normal and healthy and it can be worked out. It can make it stronger or you can learn for next time. Pray for God to open your eyes. - Michelle, 20's, single
  • Set your boundaries, and don't rush. - Naomi, 20's, single
  • Love God before all others, love yourself the way God made you, relationships are founded on trust, commitment, and love. - Debbie, 50's, single
  • You are beautiful. Delight in being a woman (even during PMS!). Be kind to everyone. Don't put yourself on a "timetable" when it comes to relationships. Don't let yourself be talked into doing something you aren't comfortable with. - Marilyn, 60's, married
  • When I met my husband when I was 17 I made it clear in my mind that I wanted to be pursued. I wanted a man who adored and respected me enough to wait to have all of me until marriage. I listened to my gut and trusted my instincts. If he's not into you, he won't call. Let HIM do the pursuing. Value yourself as a child of God. - Reno,  50's married with children. 
  • Wait until marriage. I have been on the other side as a single mom and wish I had waited. I love my son  more than life itself but as a young mom you miss out on so much. The main reason I had sex was because I was tired of saying "no" all of the time. It was not what I hoped it would be and there was no romance that young girls think that there would be. Stay true to yourself and keep the faith that God has given you. If he loves and respects you, he will wait. - Robin, 30's, married with children
  • If you find a man who loves the Lord with all of his heart, he will know the way a woman should be treated and respected. There will be disagreements, but a relationship with God will keep both of you committed to each other.- Janice, 50's, married with children
  • No matter how wonderful or awful things may seem, everything can change in a second. The constant is what you have with the Lord. After being pregnant and a mommy for 10 days, it's scary to see how much you can turn on yourself! Be patient, God has a plan. Even if you are alone, or you broke up with your boyfriend of 2 years, or you and your husband have argued about toilet paper for the 20 millionth time, take a deep breath, know it's not over... God will give you the man you need when the time is right. Don't force it. -April, 20's, married with 1 child
  • Follow your heart and listen to your family's opinions. Don't listen to everything a guy tells you. I've learned from the father of my daughters. I listened to everything he said and I wound up pregnant  and if it weren't for my family I would have never finished high school. After many years I finally learned that he wasn't good enough for me. I don't regret my children, they make me who I am and I wouldn't be the same or happy without them. But listen to your family because they know you. - Danielle, 20's, married with children (she's married to a great guy now btw.)
  • A healthy relationship is HARD WORK. I've been with my husband for 9 years and we are still getting to know each other. - Daralyn, 20's, married
So yeah... WOW! And that's only part of what all of these AMAZING women said. If you want to read their whole answers let me know and I can show you.

What's interesting is how much I need to read this advice too. One of my friends and I were talking after she sent me her response and she was like "I'm 23, and I need to remind myself about this stuff ALL THE TIME!" I COMPLETELY AGREED!During the lock-in all I could think about was how much I needed to learn as well. Isn't it interesting that no matter how old you are, you need to keep reminding yourself of this stuff and learning from the people around you? I love it.

So if you were asked those two questions... what would you say?

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