Monday, March 2, 2015

The Struggle is Real

I'm sitting there at lunch with friends and we're talking about life. What we're planning to do in the future, what we're up to now, etc. A typical lunch. Then, I mention my blog and my YouTube channel.

"So, what do you make videos about?"

"Uh... you know... stuff...."

"Oh, okay. What do you blog about?"

"Uh... um... other stuff..."

Does anyone else have this problem? 

I love blogging and vlogging. I love creating content and putting it out there on the Internet and making friends and connecting to new people and seeing what others have created. Even if sometimes it is just silly tag posts or beauty product reviews and fangirling. But, when people "in real life" ask me about it, I never know what to say. It's not that I'm embarrassed about what I do. I want others to see what I see. 

I am incredibly blessed to be surrounded by a lot of talented people. As I've gotten older and I look back at my life thus far, I've noticed this is a trend. All through high school, college, and now my 20s, I am always being surrounded by people are good at what they do. Not just good - they excel. People who are highly intelligent and travel off to other countries to study math. Not just because it's their major. Because they simply feel like it. Or people who not only sing, dance, and act, but also are the MVP on sports teams and get some of the highest grades in our high school graduating class. People who have the voices of angels and write the most beautiful music and let me listen in on them create. People who could have gone to Broadway but chose to make a life for themselves and their family in the midwest. People who can draw and design and publish. People who are dancers and teach others how to do it too. People who can speak words of truth in front of so many others and inspire them.

These people inspire me. I love being around them because they help me to want to excel at what I do. I love seeing their talents and using them to help others and pursue their own dreams. 

But then I get self-conscious about what I do. My little blog and my little YouTube channel that I love. I can't help but wonder if others will look at them and not understand. 

Because I'll never be one of the "big" bloggers. And I'm okay with that. 

I'll never make money off of my blogs or videos. I tried that, and I wasn't good at it, and I didn't like it. So, I don't want to try anymore. 

Sometimes I get free books to review for the blog - and that's pretty cool.

My YouTube channel will most likely never go viral and remain a small one.

I'm okay with these things. But, sometimes I wonder what others think when I show my social media projects to them. Or even when I do community theatre plays and musicals. I love doing it and I think it's fun. But I also know it's community theatre. It's never going to be big professional productions. My friends who do these things professionally always say they want to come see me, but I'm always "It's just community theatre! Don't expect much!" 

I know I shouldn't care so much about the opinions of others. I shouldn't be self-conscious about it. If I love what I'm doing and I'm proud of the job I've done, that should be enough. And honestly, this is all coming from myself. My friend who want to know what I do and come see me in shows and read my blogs and such just want to be supportive. Because they're amazing people like that! But, for some reason I still shy away. 

Does anyone else have this problem when people they know "in real life" want to see your blogs, vlogs, or other things you create?

Linking up with Mingle Monday!


  1. Yes, I totally understand this!

  2. Totally get this. I'm always unsure of how my blog appears to the outside world, just like I wonder how I appear to people IRL. I put so much of myself into it that I know I can't be objective. And like you, I will probably never get to be a "big" blogger. If I could figure out how to just pay for WP hosting, I'd be thrilled LOL.

    For what it's worth, I love your blog and am so happy to be your blogging friend! You have really interesting and thought provoking and fun posts, but still fell very real. Too many people have tried so hard to do things a certain way that, even if their content is great, I still feel like it's so carefully prepared that it doesn't feel authentic any more.

  3. I totally have that problem. One of my coworkers got in my face about why would anyone pay me to write anything. And rather than be all cool and and stand up for myself I just muttered something and walked away. So lame.


Share with me your thoughts! They make me smile.