Dreams and Doubts

Today for The Broke and The Bookish's 10 on Tuesday link up, we're talking about our bookish bucket list.

There are several goals I have when it comes to anything that has to do with reading and books. I want to meet authors (especially JK Rowling!), actually finish Les Miserables one of these days, read Anna Karennina, have a huge library in my home someday, etc. However, there are only a couple which really matter to me.

One of them really isn't a secret. If you've been following my blog for awhile, you can probably guess it.

I want to publish one of my novels. Or more. And the "old fashioned" way too where a publisher picks it up and it goes to bookstores and there are legitimate reviews and such of it. Yes, if I can't get a publisher I'll go for the self-publishing route. But, the "traditional" route appeals to me more. I know it's still not a guarantee my book would be a best seller or anything, but that's okay. Maybe it's because I want the validation of someone else reading my story and saying "Yes, this needs to be out there." Or I'm just old fashioned. Who knows.

But I keep getting in the way of myself. I see my writer friends online finishing novel after novel and I become envious (for no reason at all, really) and I think I'll never be as good as they are so why bother? Or I start an idea and I'm so excited for it, but after awhile I doubt myself, my writing, and my creativity, and want to give up. Then other times I let other things (like moving and quitting my job) get in the way of writing and my shiny, new, awesome, idea from November for NaNoWriMo gets thrown to the back burner.

Yet, the dream is still there. It's always been there. When I was a kid I thought I wanted to be a full-time writer. I toss the idea around sometimes, thinking maybe I could be an awesome freelance writer like Carrie Bradshaw and strut around the city like I own it. However, I'm not sure if I have the self-discipline to do so. The flexibility of schedule would be fantastic, but realistically, I don't think this is what I want.

Unless I become like JK Rowling where I write one book series and I'm set for life. In that case, being only a writer would be fantastic.

However... I need some more realistic expectations.

Besides, I don't want to write only because it helps me to make money. I want to write because I have a story to share.

Then, there's another goal. It's more of a daydream though, and I still go back and forth debating if it's something I actually want to go after.

It came up in conversation yesterday with my sister and a friend of hers. We were sitting in the friend's living room watching Disney movies and I mentioned how I applied for a position at a local library. Several people have told me I would do well in libraries because of my love of books. I agree, but I admitted I'm not sure if I can see it in the long term. I think the quiet would bother me too much.

Instead, I could see myself running a coffee shop/bookstore. A cozy little place where there's more noise, cushy chairs and lamps, books scattered all over the place, and open mic nights. There could even be discounts to writers during NaNoWriMo. A few of my friends and I sometimes daydream about doing something like this. I have one friend who is a barista and she could handle the coffee. Another friend is a fantastic baker and would do the food. Another works with PR and communications and could be in charge of that. Another friend does graphic design and would make all of the menus and signs and such. I even have another friend who knows business and accounting. Where I would fit in the picture, I'm not quite sure since I know nothing about running a business or anything. Maybe I would handle the books or something.

http://wonderfullybookish.tumblr.com/

The friend I was talking to yesterday said I should go for it. I told her how I know nothing about business, have never worked at a bookstore or a coffee shop, and I have no money to do this anyways. She didn't care. She still said I should go for it someday.

But I'm still not sure. I love the romanticized dream of this, but the reality? I'm not so sure. In the world where we wonder if even the big stores like Barnes and Noble will survive, would it be smart to open an independent book store? Then what about other things I want to do like traveling, being part of a theatre group, living in NYC for a year or two, and everything else - would I still be able to do those things?

Yet, it's still fun to dream and think about. Who knows what will happen in the future, right?