Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Voices in My Head

Sometimes I wonder if I seek too many opinions. The people pleaser in me is always asking people what they think about what I do. If they like my blog, what they think should be next in my story, what I should work on next, etc. I want their feedback and ideas and to be able to bounce ideas off of others.

Feedback is an awesome thing. We can learn from the thoughts of others. We can improve our craft (no matter what it is) and grow as artists. I love being able to see what people enjoy and what they don't and how I can do better in the future.

Then sharing ideas and brainstorming with friends is one of my favorite parts of the creative process. There are so many times when I've been stuck on something and after talking it out with someone else I find a way out of the hole I've gotten myself into. Art (no matter what kind) isn't a solitary thing. It should be done with other people. 

Yet... I wonder if there is a line when we get too many opinions and get lost in what others think.

I follow a writing Instagram page and found this quote:


I may not have liked how Veronica Roth ended the Divergent trilogy, but I have to agree with her on this one. I think I get lost in all of the voices around me. I see what other bloggers are writing and doing and I try to be the same way. Or I worry too much about what others will think of me if I put something out there. While working on my stories I think about "but would this be marketable? Will agents like this?" Even in theatre I debate back and forth if I should join a community theatre because I worry about if others will think it's silly, there isn't any talent, or I'm not moving on with my life. I think about people from my past who might see a show and judge me for some reason or other.

But do those things always matter? Some of them are good questions to ask... but when does it become too much?

During NaNoWriMo this past year, I got major writers block and sought out the help of another friend who was a writer. We sat in his "man cave" for a few hours hashing out my story and thinking of new plot-lines and ways the story could go. I left feeling energized and excited for what was going to happen next. It was exactly what I needed!

Then, weeks, maybe even months, later as I was writing, there were some parts of that brainstorming session I began to second-guess. Would my character really do that? Is this truly the direction I want the story to go in? What was the point again? There were elements I definitely wanted to keep, but I had this feeling if I kept everything my friend and I had come up with, I would loose something. So, I'm going back to some other elements and parts my friend had told me to get rid of. The ones they felt were boring and lame. But when I think about it, I realized I still need to keep the heart of my story. It may not be everyone's favorite, but it's what I wanted. 

It's so easy to lose track of why we do what we do. Whether it's in art, our careers, family, friends, whatever. We get lost in the opinions of other people. We worry about the little details. The politics and business of whatever we're doing becomes overwhelming and we forget why we started in the first place. 

Sometimes, we need to take a step back. We need to listen to the voices, but also know when to shut them out.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Here Comes the Sun

Spring is officially here! While here in Chicago we've had some ups and downs with the weather, I really do think spring has arrived. Just in time for Easter too! Yesterday was absolutely beautiful. After church and getting things ready for dinner, I spent most of Easter afternoon sitting outside on the back porch listening to music, reading a book, and drinking iced tea. Even after dinner my sister and I sat out there for a long time just talking about life, friends, her upcoming wedding, and anything else which came to our minds.


To me, each season should have a soundtrack. There are certain types of music which makes me think of spring.


For some reason, anything Frank Sinatra/Michael Buble just screams driving around in the springtime with the windows rolled down.


A couple of weeks ago the Glee cast sang "Downtown" and I think it was part of my motivation to get into the city of Chicago more to really experience it. There's no better time to rediscover a city than in the springtime.


After this winter, we all need some sun!


I listen to this song every single year at Easter. It's exactly the song which helps me to celebrate the greatest day in history.


I LOVE this song from Tangled. The whole movie is about sunshine and light which is perfect for spring.


This is another song where I just have to turn up the volume and roll down the windows as I drive.


Spring and dreams go together maybe? I'm not sure. I just know it popped up on my iPod a week or so ago and it was a beautiful spring day and I loved it.


Since Frank Sinatra was at the beginning, I had to put Michael Buble in too!


Have you all seen Joss Whedon's version of Much Ado About Nothing? It's fabulous and I LOVE what they did with the song "Sigh No More." Maybe because it was in an outdoor party scene, but this song makes me think of relaxing spring days.


I love Lenka! Her music is light, sweet, and adorable. Just like spring.

How are all of you enjoying your spring?

Linking up with Meg for Mingle Monday!

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Over It

Do you all ever have things where you're just like "Nope. I'm done. SO OVER IT."

I've noticed I have a whole list of them lately.

- Discussing the end times. I had this guy start asking me about if I was excited for the blood moon the other day. I was all "um... I guess?" Then he went on this whole soapbox about how something huge will happen because of the blood moon with God and the Jewish people and explaining how Jesus was very clear about end times and all of this stuff and I was just all "Um.... I think you're missing the point." I remember in college I skipped the day in my New Testament class about the book of Revelation.



 Which, I'm pretty sure the professor didn't even care because his attitude about the end times is basically "Jesus is coming back. Be ready. The end." Those are my thoughts exactly. I'm SO OVER IT.

- Christian movies. Guys, there have been SO MANY Christian movies which have come out already this year and are still coming. I can barely go a day without seeing the words "God is not dead" popping up on my Instagram and Facebook feeds. I get that some people are very inspired by movies like God is not Dead, Heaven is for Real, etc. That's fine. But I'm over it.

That being said, my sister did say she wanted to see Son of God, which I'm willing to try. I also kinda want to see Noah,, but that's because Emma Watson is in it. But if I don't get to see either one, I'll be fine.


- Divergent. I do want to see the movie, but no one will go with me. However, I feel like it's not worth all of the hype. It's a good trilogy and I enjoyed it (except the ending. UGH!), but there are other YA series which are better.

- Coughing and sick children. I've been coughing for weeks and I feel like at work I'm a professional nose wiper. It's disgusting and I'm shocked I don't have more diseases. The hazards of working at a preschool.

What are some of the things you all are just completely "over?"

Linking up for Humpday Confessions with Vodka and Soda!

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

It's a Battle

Lately, I've been watching Dancing With the Stars every Monday night. It's one of those where I'll be a die-hard fan for a long time, then randomly stop for a few seasons. Then I'll watch it again and wonder why I ever stopped. This is one of those seasons. I love seeing how the stars grow through the season, becoming a fan of people I hadn't really known about before, and some of the professional dancers I've come to completely adore.

This season, my favorite pro dancer, Derek Hough, has a very unique partner. Amy Purdy.



Amy is an athlete, but lost her legs when she was 19 from Menengitis. She competed at the 2014 Sochi Paralympics as a snowboarder. Which... has some unique challenges. However, I was really glad she was paired with Derek. He's incredible talented and creative, and if anyone can work with her situation, he can.

I didn't want to be a huge fan of Amy and Derek. Not because they aren't awesome, but because I felt that it would be too cliche. The disabled girl loves the disabled girl on DWTS. Lame.

But I can't help it. Especially when it's Disney night and she does a beautiful waltz to "This is Love" from Cinderella. Her being paired with Derek doesn't hurt either since he's fantastic. (Obviously, since I've been fangirling about him this entire post.) The thing is, I can relate to her. I have both of my legs, so I don't know exactly what she's going through. However, I can relate to an extent.

Last night she cried about how discouraged she was about not having the right kind of legs. How what could be so simple for other people are incredibly difficult and she couldn't get it right.

When I was in college, one of my theology professors would teach ballroom dancing lessons on Wednesday nights. It was a huge hit with my circle of friends. More often than not I would go down to the Cougar Den with them and watch everyone dance. It was so much fun, but I always kind of wished I could dance with them. I have decent rhythm and such, but with my own physical challenges, dancing really isn't in the cards for my list of great skills. One of my friends promised he'd waltz with me someday. We never were able to, but I appreciated the thought.

Watching Amy and Derek dance makes me so happy. How, while I will most likely never be in the arms of Derek Hough in a ballgown waltzing to a Disney song, it's nice to know anything is possible. You can watch last night's video here. I really hope she goes far in the show. But I also hope she goes far because she deserves it, not because she's the "disabled girl."


When I was planning on writing this post, I wanted to talk about overcoming obstacles and how anything can happen. Which is true. But then... I had a rough day today, and it had to do with my disability. (Which, if you don't know about it, here's my post explaining everything.) My own insecurities came out, and I had to deal with some things which I hate talking about and feel like shouldn't even be an issue. 

It reminded me how while anything is possible, it's still a battle.

It's a battle to do what other people think is easy. It's a battle having to prove yourself every single day. It's a battle to not be bothered by ignorance. It's a battle to let it go. 

Most days, it's not a battle. Most days it's fine and it's not a thing. 

Other days... it is. And it's exhausting because it'll never really stop. 

There are times when you're dancing with Derek Hough and everyone calls you an inspiration. Then there are other days where... not so much. And that's okay. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

My Kind of Town

 


I have been in Chicago for almost four months now.

The entire time I lived in Missouri I missed living near the city and experiencing all it had to offer. Want to know how much I've done since moving back?

NOTHING.

Granted - this was the most miserable winter ever and it has only been recently anyone has wanted to leave their homes. However, I still feel like this is pathetic. I forgot how easy it is to become complacent when you live here all of the time. You forget sometimes when you're bored, you can simply hop on the train into downtown and have a pluthera of things to do. I want this to change.

Now spring has finally arrived (although it doesn't feel like it today) I've decided I'm going to go out into the city more often. As a bonus - since I'm basically broke- I'm going to try and do as many free things as possible. In a city like Chicago, there are a ton of things to experience.

Who cares that I grew up here? I'm going to be a local tourist this spring and summer.


Here are some of my ideas so far:

- Go to a White Sox game (ok... more expensive, but it has to happen).

- Go to the Art Institute. They have free days on Thursdays and it's awesome.

- Visit a museum other than the Art Institute. That one is my favorite, so I easily just get into the habit of going there all of the time. But there are so many others in the city I haven't been to in years which are just as awesome.

- Listen to the Symphony Orchestra rehearse at Millennium Park

- Attend the outdoor classic film festival on Tuesday nights. (See classic movies for free in Grant Park!)

- Go to the Taste of Chicago. Can you believe I've never gone? It's usually so packed with people, my family and friends usually avoid downtown at all costs. However, I feel like I should go at least once in my life.

- Go to open mic night at the Comedy Bar

- See a play or musical. Because... have you met me?

- Research different festivals and events in some of the suburbs

- Visit a zoo (Lincoln Park is free, but Brookfeild is closer to where I live...)

Native Chicagoans, any other suggestions? Maybe some stuff that isn't quite as "touristy?" Or if you haven't been to Chicago, what's something you've always wanted to do and would like to see pictures of/read about?

Linking up with Meg for Mingle Monday!

Thursday, April 10, 2014

The Story

Yesterday, I finished listening to the audio-book version of The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (read by Jim Dale who is one of the best audio-book readers EVER). I've gotten into the habit of reading or listening to this book once a year around this time. I know not everyone is into re-reading books, but when I comes to my favorites I love being able to revist the world and spend time with my favorite characters. There's something about Morgenstern's writing style and the story which draws me in every single time.

The Night Circus is actually the book of the month for Bonnie's book club, so when she puts her review up at the end of the month I'll do a whole post about it to link up. (www.thelifeofbon.com) 

However, one of the big themes of this book is storytelling. One of my favorite scenes is the very last one. The character Widget is a storyteller. It's his gift, and it's not until the end which he finds out how very special that gift is.

It inspires me to think about my own writing. I love to consider myself a storyteller. Whether it's through writing, theatre, music, etc. Yet, I can't help but wonder, have I told my story yet?

I love the ones I've been working on and I'm so proud of them. I love the stories and worlds and characters I've created for my NaNoWriMo projects and everything I've worked on. I want to keep going with them and see what happens and where they end up.

Yet, I can't help but feel as though I haven't found THE story yet. The one bursting out which has to be told no matter what. The one which will really inspire me the way others have. (The Night Circus, Harry Potter, etc.) I think it'll come eventually. Or maybe something is already in the works and I don't know it yet. We'll see.


Monday, April 7, 2014

Word Vomit

Here's the thing about finally writing something you're proud of.

Suddenly, you no longer want to write a single thing because in your head you're all "But now everything else will be awful in comparison! I have no more ideas! I'm a terrible writer!I'm an even worse blogger!"

Therefore, no blog posts happened after last week Tuesday.

Womp womp.

I figure, the only solution to get me out of this writing slump is to simply write. Whatever is on my mind. Just type my stream of thought. Who cares if it's good or not? This blog post will get lost with the other awful ones I've written and be forgotten about before I know it. Then I'll get my groove back and something good will come along soon. Heck - I might not even edit this post before hitting "publish."

I'm such a rebel!

Cause you know, we bloggers tend to be rebels you know. That's just how we roll. Watch out Internets! Grammar nazi's beware because you never know what I'll type next!

I told you I was in a writing slump.

It also doesn't help that I have two dogs crowding my space. While this is super adorable, but it makes it difficult to type. They think my laptop is a pillow.

It also doesn't help that for the last two days I have been watching Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23. Why did it take me so long to watch this show? It's completely hilarious! I also now really want to watch Dawson's Creek but this time it'll be SO MUCH FUNNIER.

I never thought the primary reason I'd love a show would be James Van Der Beek. But there it is. You've gotta love an actor who can make fun of himself.


Also, I feel like I should be offended by the way they talk about people in wheelchairs... but I just find it completely hilarious.

Beyond TV and puppy distractions though, I think part of my problem has also been myself wondering why I blog. I love writing and I love the friends I've made through it and how I can keep in touch with people, yet at the same time I wonder why I do it. Am I just adding to all of the noise that is already on the Internet? Why does this little corner of web matter? I don't plan on stopping or anything, but I just can't help but wonder the why of all of this.

Yesterday, I was chatting with some of my friends at lunch about blogging. They have to write for their company blog and wanted some advice. They asked me what the purpose of blogging was, and I couldn't give them an answer. I said what I always do. "I've been writing my whole life and I figured, 'why not?' and if people wanted to read it, great! If not, that's okay too." Usually, I feel as though this is a sufficient answer. Then when I said it out loud and not just part of a blogging questionnaire, it felt so silly.

Because what do I have to add? Another story about someone in their 20's not knowing what their doing? Another site about someone fangirling over Supernatural?

But who could blame me on that one? Am I right?


Speaking of the Winchester brothers, I feel as though I haven't watched in forever. I'm in season 7. I'm sorry boys, I haven't abandoned you. I promise.

I keep looking at my phone. I interviewed for a job a few days ago and I haven't heard back from them yet. They said they'd call either way. It's driving me insane!

I also pitched a short story series to a website a few days ago and I haven't heard from them either. It's very frustrating.

Oh! This morning, I finished Days of Blood and Starlight by Lani Taylor and it's the second in the Daughter of Smoke and Bone trilogy. Guys, if you haven't read these books you need to. They're fantastic and the third one comes out this week. (I think.)

OK... enough of my rambling. I'm sure you all have had enough of it. But here's hoping I'll get back to "normal" tomorrow!

Linking up with Meg for Mingle Monday!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Writing Lessons from the Finale of How I Met Your Mother

Last night, we all gathered around our televisions to watch the end of a TV show many of us hold near and dear to our hearts. Tissues boxes at hand, we were prepared for the stream of tears which usually are a result of saying goodbye to characters whom we now consider to be friends.

If you are anything like me, you ended up having tears in your eyes, but not because you were sad. Oh no. It was because you were angry.

Naturally, I'm talking about the finale of How I Met Your Mother.

I know there are people who liked the finale, which is fine. However, I've found a majority of the people I have talked to are much more like me. We're mad.

In case you haven't figured out, this blog post will contain spoilers. I'm going to do my best to not have spoilers and speak generally, however, who knows if that'll actually happen. If you haven't watched the finale, you can hold off on reading this post. You can read this later. This is the internet - nothing goes away. My blog will be here when you're done watching.

I know there are probably a ton of people creating reaction videos and articles about the finale. It was pretty controversial and with a show this popular and had been running for so long, there's going to be a lot of different reactions and views on how it should have ended. Therefore, instead of writing something ranty and angry, I'm going to go a different route.

Writing Lesson from the Finale of How I Met Your Mother


Story and Character Arcs

A huge part of writing a story is creating arcs for the plot and the characters. You start in one place, the story and the characters grow and change, and they end up somewhere different. Somehow at the end of the story, your characters (especially the main character, your protagonist), are different than they were in the beginning. If your characters are in the same place as they were at the start of the story, you've done something wrong.

This doesn't mean the characters change and become completely different people. At heart, they are still the same person. However, there has been some sort of change. Some sort of growth. Think about it, even in real life we aren't the same as we were when we were born. As we get older and have different experiences, we grow and change.  This might not mean we have grown and changed for the better, but the growth and change is there.

The story works the same way. If your plot is in the same place as it was in the beginning of the story, you've done something wrong, and the story was probably really boring.


Here's a nice diagram in which this is kind of explained.
I personally feel as though the characters and the plot of How I Met Your Mother regressed at the end. The characters had been growing throughout the nine seasons of the show. The plot evolved and changed. It was awesome. I loved seeing how each of the characters were the same people at heart, but still grew as people. Then... in a single episode I felt like so much of it backtracked and progress was hardly made. Especially for Ted. He was in the same place as he was in episode one.

Some may argue "But that's realistic! Sometimes people don't change and we regress!"

Valid point. However, while good stories many time reflect "real life", telling a story is different than actually living life. Therefore, the writers need to approach it this way.

Plot Driven vs. Character Driven

I actually had a long conversation about this point with a friend just the other day. A lot of TV shows, movies, and books lately are very much driven by plot. How many plot twists they can put into their story and see what happens. In a way, this works. It keeps the audience interested and the story keeps moving. Also - you need plot to create a story. Otherwise you have a bunch of characters just sitting around and it's completely boring.

However, if your entire story is based on plot twists and turns, it's pretty weak. You need good characters to really have a strong story. I felt like How I Met Your Mother was good at this. Plot twists happened. Things turned in directions we didn't expect. Yet, it all was focused on the characters and their relationships. It was the characters who influenced the plot in most cases, not the other way around.

Until the last episode. Basically, it was all just a bunch of plot twists.

Write With the End in Mind

From what I've heard, the creators of How I Met Your Mother knew what the ending was going to be eight years ago. It was even filmed. That's great. It's awesome. I know when I write, if I don't know how I want it to end, I'm lost. I also can tell in other stories when the writer wasn't sure how they wanted it to end. The rest of the story was disjointed.

As this last season closed, I loved how all of the pieces from all of the other seasons fell together. It was seamless and fantastic. It was so much fun to see how everything worked together.

Then, in the last 20 minutes (or less) they turned everything on it's head and it fell apart. Basically, everything the show was pointing to didn't matter anymore. If you are going to do something like that, you need to have the rest of the story pointing to it as well.

Shock for the Sake of Shock

This is a huge pet peeve of mine lately in movies, TV, and books lately and it goes back a bit to the plot driven vs. character driven point. I feel as though a lot of writers are putting in crazy plot twists simply for the sake of being different or having some sort of shock factor. There is nothing wrong with a crazy plot twist and being different. It can show creativity and how unexpected life can be.

However, when you're writing a story your plot twist needs to have a purpose. If there isn't a point to it, then it shows lack of creativity. Actually, it also shows the writers don't have confidence in their story or their audience. If having a major shock factor is the main thing driving the story, there's something wrong.

In my opinion, the feel of the final episode was very much just about shock factor. Also, I felt like it was deceptive to the audience. There's a difference between plot twists and deceiving your audience. It might work for shows such as Lost or something, but not How I Met Your Mother. (Not that I've watched Lost so I could be totally off on that point.)

Be Flexible

As I mentioned before, from what I've heard the ending of How I Met Your Mother was planned from the beginning. That's awesome! However, over the course of 9 years, the characters and the show evolved and changed. Which is a good thing. I can't tell you how many times I've begun a story and then as I've gone on writing, it becomes something completely different than I had originally planned.

Sometimes this means I have to change my ending.

That's the creative process. Maybe when the show first began this ending was perfect. However, by the last episode it felt as though so much of it had been pointless and just filler for the big plot twists.

You need to learn how to be flexible when things are going a new direction.

Keep the Heart

When you read or watch a good story you get a sense of it's heart. I think of Harry Potter and if people ask "what is it about?" you can have two different types of answers. One answer would be "Harry Potter is about a boy who finds out he's a wizard, goes to wizard school, and has to defeat an evil wizard." The other answer would be "It's about love, sacrifice, growing up, learning, social issues, friendship, family..."

Do you see what I mean?

You can have a ton of twists and turns and great plot devices and fantastic characters to a story, but you also need to have the heart of it. What's the story really about? How I Met Your Mother had this awesome heart to the story with the friendships, navigating adulthood, and ultimately - meeting the mother. Meeting the love of your life. Never giving up hope.

Yes, the finale did do this to an extent. And when it was done well - it was awesome! Then there were other moments when I felt like they completely forgot what the point of the show even was and threw it out the window.

All in all, I have to become Mr. Knightly from Emma and say "Badly done How I Met Your Mother. Badly done."


I know there are probably a ton of people who liked the finale- which is fine. However, I think you can tell I did not like it. After nine years of an excellent show, they could have done much better and been more true to the heart of the story.

Also- I'm going to be honest. I'm slightly terrified to post this because I have no idea how people will react.

Also (again)- This article is a fantastic reaction. http://time.com/44702/how-i-met-your-mother-finale-review/