Yes, Everyone Is Beautiful

Twice now I've heard a theory floating around the Internet. Once it was in a friend's Facebook status. Then again, in an article someone wrote.

The theory is that everyone in fact is not beautiful.

We are always telling everyone they are beautiful each in their own way, and now there are other people who seem to be disagreeing with this statement. In the same way not everyone is good at sports or not everyone is good at drawing, therefore, not everyone is beautiful either.

While I understand where people are coming from with this theory, I disagree.

I feel like the idea we're really searching for is beauty is subjective.

First of all, beauty isn't only about outer appearance. It's also about personality, passion, traits, etc. 

I even went to Merriam-Webster.com and it defines beauty as this: "1) the quality of being physically attractive 2) the qualities in a person or a thing that give pleasure to the senses or the mind 3) a beautiful woman." You can look at more of the definition here.

Yes, the first thing we think of when it comes to beauty is outer appearance. But notice how the definition is also about qualities and how it affects your senses and your mind. It's deeper than skin. 

Beauty can be found in the face, body, etc. absolutely. But it is also found in people's minds, thoughts, souls, hearts, talents, and the list can go on an on. According to this definition, if something gives pleasure to the mind, it's beautiful. It includes so much more than what we usually would think of!

We also have to remember that beauty also varies from culture to culture and time period to time period. Yes, the USA Hollywood culture has a certain view of what makes a person beautiful. For girls, stick thin, tan skin, big boobs, perfect hair, etc. For guys, basically if he looks like he lives at the gym Hollywood would probably love him. 

But even then... there are still varying degrees of this. For example: it's no secret I happen to think Darren Criss is amazing. Dare I say it- beautiful.

I mean... just look at him. SIGH. SWOON.

BUT... I have some friends who have told me they don't find him particularly attractive. (I KNOW. I was as shocked as you are!) Especially when he's just being "Darren" vs. "Blaine" in Glee. 

On the other hand, I know of some people who think Theo James (Four from Divergent) is the hottest man to walk the planet.

Then there's me. He's not bad. I don't find him unattractive... but I also don't think he's beautiful. There are other men in Hollywood I happen to find more attractive.

Does this mean Darren is beautiful and Theo isn't? Absolutely not. It just means different people have different tastes and views of what makes someone beautiful. It also doesn't mean people who are attractive don't have days when they don't look so great. 

I mean... let's be honest. We all have SnapChat selfies we aren't proud of. I'm sure even the most "beautiful" people in the world have these. Am I right or am I right?

Then there are different cultures. Yeah, our culture has one view of beauty. But back in Medieval times, if you were overweight and pasty white you were the hot chick because it meant you were wealthy and were able to have food without the hard labor. 

In some cultures, long necks, big feet (or tiny feet depending on where you are), or extended lower lips is beautiful and attractive.

Here in the USA? Not so much.

Does that mean these people aren't beautiful? Nope. It just means we see it differently than other people and they see it differently than we do. And that's okay.

It's because beauty is subjective. You know, that whole phrase we've all heard: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." We all have different definitions of beauty. 

Seeing things this way, couldn't you argue that everyone is beautiful to someone? In theory, if we were to get every single person in the same gigantic room and everyone got to see each other, do you really think there would be a person whom absolutely NO ONE in the world found beautiful? I'd bet not. 

Everyone is beautiful - even if they aren't all beautiful to the same person.

I think there also can be varying degrees of beauty. If you look at flowers for one thing, maybe there is one flower which is more beautiful than another simply because it had more sunlight or better nourishment or something. Both flowers are beautiful, but one simply might be slightly higher on the scale. So, yes, the painful truth is there are more people who tend to flock to a certain type of beauty. Like in high school how all of the guys seem to like the same sort of girls. (Or so it appears.) 

But even this is subjective. Some people think roses are the most beautiful flowers, while someone else prefers lilies. Neither is right or wrong - because it's subjective. So, just because you don't have the same amount of admirers of your beauty as other people, it doesn't mean you aren't beautiful at all.

On top of all of this - we are all made by the same creator. 

For you formed my inward part; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 

Psalm 139:13-14

The argument could be made that "wonderfully" and "beautifully" made are two different things. However, in this instance I disagree. God made you beautiful in your own way even if not everyone views it the same way.

I know not everyone shares this view about faith and how we are made and created, and that's fine. But honestly, this is how I see it. God made you, and therefore, you are beautiful. 

I also feel like when we talk about how everyone isn't beautiful and shouldn't strive to be, it almost makes me feel as though it's wrong for us to want to be beautiful. When it's not. 

What's so wrong with being good looking or wanting someone to think you are beautiful? What's wrong with wanting to look good? For a long time I felt as though wanting to dress nicely and wear makeup and do my hair were shallow things, so I didn't except for special occasions. But you know what? I also didn't think myself as beautiful. I didn't think I was ugly or anything like that - but I also didn't think I was particularly beautiful either.

Then as I got older, I started to see the good qualities in my looks. I liked my hair. My eyes. My skin (sometimes). My sister encouraged me to wear makeup on a more regular basis. I started to do my hair. I finally learned to how to pick out clothes for myself which looked good. I began to feel beautiful, so I treated myself this way.

And people noticed. I've noticed in recent years, people are more willing to give me compliments on how I look than they used to be. Once, a mom I worked with at the church told me I was always a very pretty girl, but something had changed in me and I looked really beautiful. I was speechless but also flattered. 

Yeah, I have a lot of great qualities with my personality, talents, etc. But it's okay to add beauty to that list. No, it shouldn't consume our lives and chase after it as though it's the most important thing in the world. It's not. I would rather spend my time with someone who is kind and funny and creative and intelligent who might not be particularly attractive (which, again, is subjective, so who knows what that means) than someone who looks like a supermodel and is a jerk.

I'm not saying I'm gorgeous or the most beautiful person ever. I'm not. But wanting to be beautiful isn't a bad thing. 

And yes, you, YES YOU, are beautiful too. 

Finding Identity

A few weeks ago, I finally saw the Divergent movie. (Late to the party- I know.) I enjoyed both the book and the movie. Not my all-time favorites, but enjoyable and I think there's a lot of things to take from the story. However, there was one thing I couldn't help but think about as I watched the movie.

In case you don't know the premise:

It's a futuristic/dystopian society set in Chicago. The people are divided into five groups, factions, which are:  Abnegation (selfless), Candor (honest), Erudite (intelligent), Amity (peaceful), and Dauntless (bravery). When one is a teenager, they are to take a test which will help them to determine which faction they would fit in best. Then, they are to pick the one they will live in. It's all about knowing yourself and where you think you will fit. They leave their family and former way of life for their new faction. Faction before blood as the story says.

As I watched the movie I couldn't help but think "How the hell is a teenager supposed to make a decision like that?"

I know there are teenagers who do know themselves and possibly might be able to make such a choice. However, I know for sure I wasn't one of them. Or even if I thought I was, I have a sinking feeling later in life I would have changed my mind about which faction to be in. Because at that point in my life I was still figuring out who I was.

Heck, I'm still figuring out who I am.

How do you determine who you are?

I know I'm not the only one who wonders this. Not long ago, I was talking with a close friend who recently lost her job. She lamented to me:  "That job was my whole life. It was who I was. What do I do now?"

What happens when what you identify yourself with gets taken away?

A few years ago, one of the teenagers I worked with wanted to be in the military. It wasn't just his chosen career- it was his whole life. Everything was about being in the military. When the time came to enlist, a tiny  glitch in his health prevented him from joining any branch. From there he went on this crazy downward spiral trying to figure out how to fill that hole and find who he was. (He's fine now by the way.)

It's funny what we choose to identify ourselves with. Careers, relationships, family, friends, fandoms, pet-lover, mother, father, husband, wife, etc.

I've been re-reading The Mortal Instruments and in the second book, the main character Clary finds herself in her own identity crisis. She thinks she's just a normal teenager when in fact her mother has been lying to her the whole time and she is actually a shadowhunter who fights demons. In fact, she even has more family members than she originally expected.

"Somebody's girlfriend. Somebody's sister, somebody's daughter. All these things I never knew I was before, and I still don't really know who I am." (City of Ashes chapter 4)

What if what we thought was true about ourselves and our lives turns out to be wrong? What does that make us then?

I think a lot about Julie Andrews. For years and years she was one of the greatest singers in Hollywood and Broadway. Then, she lost her voice. She can't really sing anymore. Yet, she still keeps going. I don't know what her daily life is like or what it was like for her when she first lost her voice, but from what I can tell it doesn't seem to phase her. She's still fantastic. She's still Julie Andrews.

Yet, she had lost part of who she was. A singer. How do you recover from that?

How do you define yourself? When you lose it, how do you find yourself again?

Bout of Books Progress: On page 203, Chapter 12 of Clockwork Angel

I Want to do Everything

Does anyone else hate the question of "What do you want to do?"

I get asked this quite often lately. When I tell my story about leaving youth ministry and feeling as though God is leading me in a new direction, generally, people are supportive and understanding. However, almost every time this conversation happens this question pops up:

So what do you want to do now?

It is then that I am at a loss for words. Which, if you know me, if pretty rare. Once you get me going on a topic I have a hard time keeping quiet.

That's what a blog is for you know. ;-)

I have all of these ideas floating around in my head, but when I'm asked about what I want to do, I don't have an answer for people.

A few weeks ago as I was tumbling down Tumblr, as one does, I came across this photo and quote from Emma Watson. (Who is completely fabulous and amazing.)

Photo and quote came from here, although I did the photo edits.

"I could never really imagine myself doing one thing, and I'm pretty sure I'll end up doing four or five different things. I want to be a renissance woman. I want to paint, and I want to write, and I want to act, and I want to just do anything." - Emma Watson

When I read this, something clicked in my head. 

That was me. 

Well... not really me. Obviously I'm not Emma Watson, even though that would be amazing.

But I could relate to her sentiment. 

My problem isn't that I don't know what I want to do. My problem is that there is so much that I want to do. I want to be a renissance woman. 

Months and months ago when I was first thinking about resigning from my youth ministry position, I had several conversations with my good friend Laura about the situation and where I would go next. She always said "You can do anything." Which is completely true, and that frustrated me to no end. There were too many possiblities. Too many options. How could I possibly pick just one?

I feel like there is this pressure for people to pick one thing, and that is who they are and what they do. It reminds me of the Divergent trilogy. In this trilogy, there are different factions and people's personalities usually only fit into one. They pick which faction they want to be in, and that's who they are. Picking a faction means picking how you define yourself and who you are going to be and how you are going to live your life. Brave, truthful, peaceful, intelligent, or selfless. One of the main characters, Four, says this:

"I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest."

He doesn't want to be just one thing - he wants to be all of them.

That's kind of how I am. While I realize picking a career or job is different than picking a character trait, I feel like the idea is somewhat similar. All of the time I see people writing mission statements for thier lives, or choosing a single word to describe their entire year, or have an idea to sum up their lives. In college we have to pick a majro and possibly a minor, and you only add a second one if you're crazy.

When I was in high school, I was in this one art class and we were creating a mural made up of different tiles. Each student had a tile and it was supposed to represent us. Everyone else's tiles tended to be one image they used to sum them up. Mine was a bunch of crazy doodles that represented all of the different parts of me. Also - my artistic abilities only lend themselves to mediocre doodles. But that's beside the point.

I've never wanted one single thing to define me. Where does it say that there is only one job or career a person can have? Where does it say that we have to pick one way to be or live our lives? The only thing I can think of is that I'm a child of God. Beyond that - I can be and do more than just one thing.

I can see myself doing so much. I want to publish a novel and write my blog and do freelance work. But I can also picture myself running a theatre. I can see myself working on web video and telling stories that way. Or opening up a coffee shop/cafe with some of my friends. I can see myself as a girl at the front desk somewhere and helping direct people where to go. I can see myself directing plays and musicals. I could work for Disney at one of the parks or on a cruise line, or if I am lucky enough helping to write a story or doing something creative. (Because remember, I am essentially a Disney character.) I could write book reviews. Or maybe take a year off to travel the world. I could do social media consulting. I can picture myself working at a library or a bookstore. I could start a non-profit. I could go to third world countries and help people. I want to be a renissance woman.

But this isn't the "right" answer. If I went into a job interview and told my employer that, more than likely I wouldn't get hired. The title "renissance woman" won't pay off my student loans, my car, or my credit cards. Which, while it doesn't look like it from the outside, this really does stress me out. I'm probably going to end up with grey hair and I'll cry for a week.

Yet, I feel like this is my answer for when friends and family ask me this question.

What do I want to do?

Everything. 

I Have Resolutions and Goals... I Think. Maybe?

Quick note: If you are on Instagram, you should follow @TheBlogBaton tomorrow because I'll be posting from there all day! The Blog Baton is an Instagram account where everyday a different blogger gets to take over and post photos all day long, and tomorrow is my turn!

Moving on.

Happy New Year!

It's 2014! How crazy is that? I feel as though I say this about every day and holiday, but I'm always amazed at how quickly these things come around. Wasn't I just writing for January 1 in 2013? No? That was already a year ago? Where have I been? Goodness gracious.

Like last year, I'm avoiding New Years Resolutions. I don't want to make promises to myself that I can't keep or don't want to keep. I don't want to be another New Year cliche.

Yet, still like last year, I can't help but think about what I want to accomplish in the next twelve months. This year is the start of something new. I'm no longer in Missouri, I'm not in youth ministry anymore, everything is wide open for me. As cliche as it probably sounds, one of the reasons why I loved timing this transition over Christmas was because I could time my starting over with the New Year.

Because if life can't be like a movie or a book, you can still do what you can to make it appear to be so, right?

So, here I am. New year. New life. Open doors ready for me to walk through, even if I don't know what they'll be leading to.

It makes me feel like I should be making goals of where I want to go in my career and making big life choices, but I just don't want to.

Why should I limit myself? I might make these huge plans and set lofty goals when God has something completely different in mind. You know that typical Christian phrase... "Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans."

There are some things I want to do, obviously. Find a job, eventually get my own place so I"m not with Mom and Dad forever, finish my NaNoWriMo novel and revise it a million times so I can send out query letters, travel somewhere new, get back to doing yoga (for real this time!) etc. I do have goals, I guess. But honestly, I just want to let things happen. See where God and life takes me.

Although... I'm pretty sure these are some things that will be happening in 2014:

- Watching hours of Supernatural on Netflix... along with all of the other TV shows

- Spending quality time with my favorite power trio: Harry, Ron, and Hermione

- Taking my family and friends to see Newsies when it travels to Chicago in December

- Spending far too much money at Starbucks and being sure the baristas who work at the store wherever I end up living know my name

- Blogging. Lots of blogging.

- Cuddle time with Bandit

- Crying over movies like Divergent, The Fault in Our Stars, and Mockingjay

- Reading ALL OF THE BOOKS

- Participating in NaNoWriMo in November for the 7th time

- Being my sister's maid of honor for her wedding in September (and all of the wedding planning that goes along with it!)

- Wasting hours on Tumblr and other forms of social media

- Squealing like the fangirl I am over Emma Approved

- And of course, catching up with friends in Chicago while keeping in touch with those in Missouri

Here's to 2014!

What are your plans/goals?

Awesome Female Role Models- There Are No Words To Describe

Celia from the Night Circus

Blogtember Prompt: Only Pictures